December 17, 2012 by Katia
Maybe it was sheer bravado, maybe it was the fact that I collaborated with a fellow blogger last week whose blog is all about DIY and Pinterest inspiration, but when 36 Year Old had to go away for one day on the weekend I was about to blow 3 Year Old’s mind with a series of well-intentioned yet poorly executed crafts, a house specialty.
I am not a crafty person. In fact, I think I am magnificently bad at crafts. It probably has to do with my lack of patience for the process and the desire to see the finished product already, are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet (???!!!) coupled with an uncanny ability to complicate the non-complicated. Not exactly the stuff that crafts are made of, the Greek Chorus would note. True, but I genuinely admire those who are able to hold a pair of scissors with steady hands and cut and paste something tangible, therefore being as bad as I am had never stopped me from undertaking various well-intentioned projects that never lived up to their humble potential. Call me a dreamer.
Without further a do let me present Saturday’s
crap crop! (Greek Chorus: She is about to commit the sin of Hubris!).
A Half Baked Plate
Nothing says blow 3 Year Old’s mind like the half baked plate. It had the makings of a great success story: doodling with a black marker on a traditionally forbidden surface, one of 3 Year Old’s favorite go to activities.
And I was pretty sure I knew what he was going to draw too,
My motherly instinct did not fail.
(Greek Chorus: Beware, things are not what they seem!)
I know your fingers must be itching. Ready to get inspired?:
- Head to your nearest Dollar store to purchase a porcelain plate. Whatever you do, don’t buy the green boxes from the storage solution shelf (Greek chorus: and don’t place them on your stairs, don’t place them on your stairs!). If you are not exactly sure what a porcelain plate looks like, just look for something white and exercise some faith. Buy the white plate. But not the green boxes.
- Leave the store feeling like that Mastercard commercial: Porcelain plate – $1 motherly sense of satisfaction over offspring’s future satisfaction – priceless.
- Present the activity with a lot of enthusiasm in your voice and don’t let offspring’s ‘that’s ok mommy, maybe we can do it after’ deter you. Just reintroduce the activity louder.
- Doodle, sign, date, throw in the oven (but not really), 30 minutes, 350°, Boom!
- Of course the marker is not supposed to come off the plate that easily, so note that there is a mistake somewhere between 1-4.
Green Individualized Transitory Boxes for your Stairs.
(Don’t let the catchy name fool you, this item is hazardous.)
Did you ever buy those green boxes from the Dollar store? Great! I’ve got just the thing for you! (Greek chorus: It’s the point of no return, the point of no return!)
36 Year Old, the victim of this specific craft, thinks that to come up with this idea one has to suffer from post pregnancy brain. Nothing could be further from the truth. I actually came up with it WHILE I was still pregnant. I did consider the hazards of placing boxes on the stairs in house with a toddler, my toddler, but when a kindred soul posted something on Pinterest there was no more doubt in my mind, because what’s a better proof that an idea you had is terrific than someone else pinning it? The boxes on the stairs were a must. Our living room is grossed, as 3 Year Old would put it and things that should be upstairs constantly travel downstairs and vice versa. My solution? Little piles of our stuff on the stairs and shoved between the railing and the wall so as not to pick up dust. Not pinable.
- To individualize the items and entertain your toddler buy letter stickers and put the names of the different family members on each box. Your 3 Year Old may get jealous that 4 Month Old has a longer name, so make sure to buy enough letters for toddler’s full name or possibly first and middle name.
- Whenever you find a mislocated item put it in the family member’s box who’s missing it. Then empty the content of the box when you go upstairs to individual’s room. The boxes already on the stairs are a great time saver! (Greek Chorus: great order is restored! Great order is restored!)
- See disclaimer on photo caption.
Mr. Loops and Mr. Poops
Another great activity is making furry dolls with your toddler. This is a unisex toy, appealing to toddlers of both genders.
- Buy Plush Pals – Funoodles.
- Look at the pictures on the box and try to make something remotely similar.
- Your 3 Year Old may want to name the creatures Mr Loops and Mr Poops. Let him/her.
We didn’t do any more crafts that day, but here are some other things that happened:
And this too:
And even this!
But in all seriousness, dear Pin Fairy, please come and sprinkle some magic Pinterest dust on me so I can create pretty things, pretty please!