November 27, 2012 by Katia
Monday morning showered Canadians and Israelis alike with an array of significant news events: the removal from office of Toronto’s Mayor Rob Ford, the resignation of Israeli Defence Minister, Ehud Barak and my trip to the dentist with 3 Month Old and a carrier and a stroller.
Why take a carrier and a stroller to a dental appointment? Well, the stroller was to maintain the external appearance of sanity, while the carrier was for who am I kidding. I was not so successful with the first goal, because being on the subway with an empty stroller and a baby in a carrier hidden under your coat with your scarf lying on top of the asymmetrical bump covering it from above like a bird cage does not necessarily scream sanity. Let’s stare the truth in the face, I am totally going to do the entire dental appointment with 3 Month Old’s curious stare fixated on me from somewhere underneath my chin.
And that was the better option out of the two. The stroller version of this involved the stroller and an hour’s worth of 3 Month Old’s signature newborn colicky cry ™ that he managed to preserve despite being 3.5 months old and no longer colicky. Definitely a toss up. Expecting to give the Dental Hygienist a two for one deal wasn’t an entirely far-fetched notion. You see, 3 Month Old practices attachment parenting and he takes it to a whole new level that Doctor Sears never anticipated. I hope. Like that time when he had spent the entire duration of my 6 week post natal examination appointment on me in his carrier, never once waking up. Which is good because think of all the money I am saving on therapy.
Back in the dental office, loyal to baby protocol, 3 Month Old slept soundly until the very moment I walked into the room where one of the scenarios I imagined was about to unveil itself to the unsuspecting Dental Hygienist. I felt prematurely guilty, but society in Canada is very tolerant to different cultures, belief systems and personal quirks so no one ever raised an eyebrow when I suggested I’d try to keep the baby on me for a while and see. When 3 Month Old started spitting up on me, 3 minutes into our predicament, the Dental Hygienist was still amazingly supportive and made it seem like this happens all the time and like it was actually a positive thing that 3 Month Old was spitting up on me because I was wearing a bib. I was also wearing dark Jackie O sunglasses and at one point a green paste on my teeth. That was when I smiled at 3 Month Old who was now being held by the super super kind Office Manager who decided the child is better off attached to someone vertical. 3 Month Old in return was totally giving me an ‘I don’t know that woman’ look when I smiled at him thus delivering another blow to my ego, already bruised by big brother, but before I could spray anything he was carried off again to feed his own ego, collecting strange compliments from patients and staff alike on everything from his easygoing temper to his thinning silky black hair and even his kissable lips. I am not making this up. And the whole thing turned out to be a pretty huge ego boost for him, which is good because he needs it, because he is balding. And he was basking in his glory, lifting up his gaze to me when I fed him from a bottle at the end of all of this, giving me his blue eyed lopsided toothless smile and telling me in a pleased voice ‘ay, goo-goo’ which is ‘good stuff’ in baby language.
Other things 3 Month Old attaches himself to in his refusal to spend any time away from a warm body are our bed. A lot of parents, including us, would draw the line at co-sleeping but with his superpower of sleep deprivation and supercolic trademark cry 3 Month Old superpowered his way into our bed and then there were three.
We became just another forced co-sleep statistic. With the addition of a third bed member and the change in our life style a new role emerged – the Moderator, a self appointment by 36 Year Old. And let me tell you, any bed that hosts more than two users needs one. The Moderator’s main concern is to check that I didn’t fall off the bed and he wakes me up a few times a night to double and triple check that I didn’t. No, strangely enough I do not have a history of falling off the bed, nor any such phobias but I do find it difficult to fall back asleep once woken up. Why this new addition to our much too crowded as it is nights? I now believe that attachment is contagious. And you know what, if I’m being completely honest there is nothing quite like being woken up at night by 36 Year Old’s concerned arm reaching over for me to check if I’m ok and to discover that I am cradling our peacefully snoring 3 Month Old and then to have the opportunity to notice this and to be thankful for witnessing and experiencing that.
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