December 11, 2012 by Katia
3 Year Old: But mommy, how do babies get IN your belly?
Me: Ahhhhm, ahhhhm. Daddy gives something and mommy gives something and it becomes a baby.
He seems satisfied.
36 Year Old and me (artificially enthusiastic voices): Ok, time for lunch and today we’re having Latkes for Hanukkah!
3 Year Old: (artificially sweet voice) Can I save some for later? (euphemism for “this is yucky and I am never ever going to touch this again FOREVER!”)
Getting ready to leave for a Hanukkah party at our friends’ house.
36 Year Old: It’s time to wash this carrier, it stinks.
Me: You mean you haven’t washed yours yet??
36 Year Old: You mean you think of this as a ‘mine’ and a ‘yours’ situation and you’ve washed yours but not mine??!!
Me: No, of course not! (explanation: we have two carriers for 4 Month Old, one that 36 Year Old wears and one that I do: a mine and a his).
Argument continues, while we intermittently try to get 3 Year Old dressed for Hanukkah party.
3 Year Old (barking): I wish you a merry Christmas, I wish you a merry Christmas, I wish you a merry Christmas, duh Happy New Eaaaar! Good tidings we braaaaang to you and your kaaaaang, good tidings for Christmas duh Happy New Eaaaar! (loops for the next 20 minutes.)
I call my friend Anya’s house, her husband Guy picks up.
Guy: I thought of a rapper name for you. I have two options, you have to tell me which one you like better.
Guy: K-Dog or K-Biz (the original presentation was longer and better).
Me: First of all thanks for recognizing that I need a rapper name. I’ll have to think about it and get back to you at the party (but in my heart of hearts I already know it’s going to be K-Biz).
At the party after running a little late because of spilling the sour cream we were in charge of bringing on the front porch of our house and having a little argument about who’s fault it was we left late.
3 Year Old: Where did Liam disappear?
Me: He went to pee. (trying to stop 3 Year Old who is climbing up the stairs from barging in). We don’t follow people to the washroom! (It doesn’t work).
After a while.
3 Year Old: Where is Liya?
I run up the stairs to catch up with him.
After 2 minutes.
3 Year Old to our host Anat: I need to pee!
Me: I’m coming!
In the washroom.
3 Year Old: I have to pee and even poop. But how do we change our bum here? (explanation: Where are the wipes?)
As we head down the stairs I notice that 3 Year Old is attempting to make a public announcement from the top of the stairs, Mussolini style.
3 Year Old: Guys, guuuuuys! (no one hears him and he decides not to waste any more time but instead to inform each guest individually).
3 Year Old to Dave he’s never met before: Guess what, I just peed and pooped! (Dave high fives him). He proceeds to tell each grown up guest separately now holding out his hand in anticipation of a high five.
Liam, 4 Year Old friend, to his dad, Guy: Why is he so happy that he peed and pooped?
The question remains unanswered as we sing Hanukkah songs except for 3 Year Old who sings his version of We Wish you a Merry Christmas, which he might as well because it’s either that or “Monica, Monica have a Happy Hanukkah”.
Happy Holidays everyone!