20 Ways to Tell You’re a Parent When Your Kid is not Around

24

February 21, 2013 by Katia

  1. Temperatures in hell just dropped and you’re in the shower all by yourself. The first thing you do before you set foot in the tub is put the inflatable safety cover on the faucet.
  2. You’re out with your single girlfriends. Everyone’s texting. You’re the only one on the phone with a mature woman. Your sitter.
  3. They have clutches.
    ClutchBag_3color

    Their clutches (Photo credit: Monyokararan.)

    While you’re the only one sporting this. 

    Your purse.

    Your purse.

  4. And the only one who in search of this:
    This

    This

    will instead pull out this:

    This

    This

    this:

    This

    This

    and sometimes this.

    These

    These

  5. It’s not like you don’t know that evenings are for clutches, OK? It’s just that Costco doesn’t carry them.
  6. There are some stains on your shirt, mainly in the shoulder area and I’m sorry, but no one is going to assume that they’re the Monica Lewinsky kind.
  7. At the office I’m not sure you’ll be anyone’s first choice in a tampon emergency situation, but if the need arises for a band aid, a wipe or a random fever/head lice check up, you’ll be chasing them away with a stick.
  8. You’re 6 months postpartum but you’re still wearing your maternity jeans.
  9. And, no, the stretch panel on the jeans is not passing for a tank top.
  10. If you’ll turn around and look at those jeans again, you’ll notice that there’s either a sticker, some chalk marks or pieces of chewed Mum Mums stuck to your bum.
  11. Oh, sorry, the Mum Mum’s actually in your hair.
  12. You’re wearing all the make up in the world, but there are still bags under your eyes and everyone in your office knows that it was totally you who finished up all the coffee.
  13. They also know you power nap in the washroom.
  14. There’s someone that you talk to on the phone that makes your voice go really high.
  15. Your roots are showing. Quick, take a mascara to them, or a crayon (you’ll find one in your purse)!
  16. You’re eating a Mum Mum biscuit.
  17. When your colleagues/girlfriends talk about clubbing, movies, sleeping in on weekends or week days you feel like a foreign exchange student. Sorry, me no speak Freedom.
  18. You are the girl with the glaring smile and the Thelma and Louise air about her running a 10 minute errand that takes you outside.
  19. You’ve made it to Costco to pick up some more Mum Mum’s. All by yourself with a glaring smile and that Thelma and Louise air about you, you push your grocery cart, never ceasing to gently rock it.
  20. You’re reading this post at work, or while the children are napping, and you’ve nodded. 20 times.

*******************

Can people tell you’re a parent when your kids are not around or is it just me?

24 thoughts on “20 Ways to Tell You’re a Parent When Your Kid is not Around

  1. how right you are! had a good giggle! xx

  2. FreeTheMom says:

    Hahah, number 9! Love it😉

  3. 1tric says:

    so true. After school holidays I go from room to room relishing being home alone!

  4. heidibird says:

    So true! And so so sad.

  5. Katerina says:

    Katia…I was reading eat while was feeding my baby girl.And now I am typing with one hand because I have her on my shoulder!!Hehe..

  6. Stephanie Sprenger says:

    Oh my gosh, I almost forgot about the Mum-Mums! It was just six months ago that we stopped eating them (we- ha!) and I can’t believe I forgot about their existence! This post was great, and I can obviously relate! I love the tampon emergency situation one- so true, so true… I woke up at 5:45 today and realized that no one was awake yet and jumped in the shower as fast as I could. Of course my toddler was crying when I emerged at 5:58. Sigh.

    • Katia says:

      :-)) of course! I always say, life’s only certainty is Murphy’s Law. Glad you liked it. #18 was obviously inspired by you.🙂

      • Stephanie Sprenger says:

        Thanks for the ping back, I totally forgot to mention that the first time. Nailed it with the Thelma and Louise reference…🙂

  7. Love these! My personal fav’s are #6 and #18 =)

  8. Ha! I drove 20 miles of my commute into work this morning before I realized I was singing along to Laurie Berkner the entire time. No kids in the car, of course.

  9. Love it! I’m not a mother and oddly, so oddly, those make me actually WANT to be one…
    Power napping in the washroom and me no speak freedom made me seriously laugh out loud, lord, I’m laughing even now as I’m typing me no speak freedom.😀

  10. Mama C. says:

    …in regards to the end of this post, both kids are in bed for the night. And — woo-hoo! — I didn’t nod off once and that was only because the temperature in hell did indeed drop this afternoon, which afforded me the opportunity to “sleep while the babies sleep.”

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Tired. Going from 10 months of staying at home with the kids to full time work is disorienting.  I have to redefine what my involvement in their lives looks like. I have to go dig for my creativity, it's not readily available. I have to make room for friendships that were already pushed to the outskirts of my mommy life. What was previously inaccessible, existing in the "so near yet so far" category - books, blazers and heels - became a staple in this old new reality in a matter of days. Tired and disoriented but also content, supported and appreciative. #momsofinstagram #random #randomthoughts #changes #workingmom #tired #tgif
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