20 Ways to Tell You’re a Parent When Your Kid is not Around

24

February 21, 2013 by Katia

1. Temperatures in hell just dropped and you’re in the shower all by yourself. The first thing you do before you set foot in the tub is put the inflatable safety cover on the faucet.
2. You’re out with your single girlfriends. Everyone’s texting. You’re the only one on the phone with a mature woman. Your sitter.
3. They have clutches.
   

   Their clutches (Photo credit: Monyokararan.)

   While you’re the only one sporting this. 

   

   Your purse.

4. And the only one who in search of this:
   

   This

   will instead pull out this:

   

   This

   this:

   

   This

   and sometimes this.

   

   These

5. It’s not like you don’t know that evenings are for clutches, OK? It’s just that Costco doesn’t carry them.
6. There are some stains on your shirt, mainly in the shoulder area and I’m sorry, but no one is going to assume that they’re the Monica Lewinsky kind.
7. At the office I’m not sure you’ll be anyone’s first choice in a tampon emergency situation, but if the need arises for a band aid, a wipe or a random fever/head lice check up, you’ll be chasing them away with a stick.
8. You’re 6 months postpartum but you’re still wearing your maternity jeans.
9. And, no, the stretch panel on the jeans is not passing for a tank top.
10. If you’ll turn around and look at those jeans again, you’ll notice that there’s either a sticker, some chalk marks or pieces of chewed Mum Mums stuck to your bum.
11. Oh, sorry, the Mum Mum’s actually in your hair.
12. You’re wearing all the make up in the world, but there are still bags under your eyes and everyone in your office knows that it was totally you who finished up all the coffee.
13. They also know you power nap in the washroom.
14. There’s someone that you talk to on the phone that makes your voice go really high.
15. Your roots are showing. Quick, take a mascara to them, or a crayon (you’ll find one in your purse)!
16. You’re eating a Mum Mum biscuit.
17. When your colleagues/girlfriends talk about clubbing, movies, sleeping in on weekends or week days you feel like a foreign exchange student. Sorry, me no speak Freedom.
18. You are the girl with the glaring smile and the Thelma and Louise air about her running a 10 minute errand that takes you outside.
19. You’ve made it to Costco to pick up some more Mum Mum’s. All by yourself with a glaring smile and that Thelma and Louise air about you, you push your grocery cart, never ceasing to gently rock it.
20. You’re reading this post at work, or while the children are napping, and you’ve nodded. 20 times.

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Can people tell you’re a parent when your kids are not around or is it just me?