March 25, 2013 by Katia
Yesterday I was a fly on the wall during 3 Year Old’s playdate. A very hands on fly, that is. The kind of fly that caters to a group of 3 year olds’ every need, takes them upstairs a lot to pee and in between takes notes in shorthand. That kind of fly.
Hello, I am the milk, and I will be your Stenographer. Also present are Outgoing Friend, Shy Friend, 3 Year Old and Grandma on a visit from overseas. I’ve highlighted some keywords in case you’re a newbie to playdates and want the cliff notes. You’re welcome.
10 minutes into playdate.
Outgoing Friend (to Stenographer): I am not allergic to anything.
(Stenographer can take a hint and starts unwrapping granola bars).
3 Year Old (assertively): I am not allergicked to peanut butter!
Outgoing Friend: no, I’m not allergic to anything. I’m not afraid of anything!
3 Year Old: I’m not afraid of anything eeter. Even I can do ballet.
They eat granola bars and drink chocolate milk from Spiderman disposable cups. Then they practice hi fives. There’s a really long explanation from Outgoing Friend about the nature of correct hi fiving ending in:
We’re practicing hi fives. Because he has more hands than me! Everyone has shoulders.
Then they each grab a car/transformer/helicopter and continue playing for approximately 2 minutes until Shy Friend and 3 Year Old need to pee. 3 Year Old pees downstairs, but wants to poop in the potty in the living room, where everyone is playing.
Stenographer: are you sure you want to go here in front of everyone?
3 Year Old (confidently): yeah, it’s bestest.
Shy friend (solemnly): yeah, it’s better.
3 Year Old: no, it’s bestest.
It looks like each remains convinced of their own theory. They seem very happy as they play separately. They enjoy this so much that at one point 3 Year Old yells/announces:
3 Year Old: I know! We can have a sleepover next time! And then we can camp! And hunt for a bear!
Outgoing friend needs to go pee. Stenographer takes him upstairs and they end up having a meaningful conversation.
Outgoing friend: I’m going to be a daddy.
Outgoing friend: no, I’m just three. I used to be two. Does 3 Year Old get lonely? With just you? Does your grandma ever leave?
While using the potty he notices 3 Year Old’s knight’s sword, which is in its natural spot, the bath tub. He grabs it and is carrying it downstairs with him which leads to a new game.
3 Year Old: let’s see which sword is the goodest.
They compare swords and debate on the subject but no one sees Shy Friend coming. With a green water gun. Of course he’s the goodest. And also the winner.
Shy friend: I shot you both.
Everyone decides to turn against the Stenographer.
Stenographer: No, nooooo! Help! Help!!! I’m a good person!!!
Outgoing Friend: There, I stabbed you.
3 Year Old: There, I stabbed you.
Shy Friend: There, I shot you.
Outgoing Friend: Now you’re completely dead.
Just as this happens they are being picked up by their mother. Good thing too, because no one wants to be completely dead. Can’t wait to have them over again!
IAMTHEMILK will be featured on Life Well Blogged coming out on April 2nd!
I am so excited to share the news with you! IAMTHEMILK will be featured in this collection of some of the best humour parenting blogs on the internet. LWB’s previous publications ranked #7 and #10 on Amazon’s best sellers in the humour category. Stay tuned for more information.