April 15, 2013 by Katia
Most Russian families have one kid. If you have two you’re considered hardcore. Ever since 8 Month Old became a reality, I can’t help but feel like some sort of an extreme sports enthusiast: a bungee jumper or that Felix guy who parachuted from outer space – a mom of TWO, everyone!!! Israeli families typically have two kids or more. My husband and I were both only kids. His father went on to remarry and had other children, but 36 Year Old is his mother’s only son.
Years ago I spoke with an Astrologer. A few of the things she said were wrong but some weren’t and they stuck with me. We were sitting in my bedroom, going over the map she created for me, discussing how I should dance more, probably better not drive and some more meaningful things I won’t divulge here and then the conversation was over, but she never said anything about kids. And at 24 I was already fantasizing about my future (waaaay future) children. And when I asked, a satisfied smile lit up her face and she said “oh, yes, of course. Two wonderful boys!” The two boys became a certainty and this is why I was freaking out a little bit when during my second pregnancy everyone was telling me, I must be having a girl. And this is why I burst into laughter on the ultrasound technician’s table, when she hinted in not so many words that I was having another boy, because the universe was doing its thing. I’d be really concerned for the universe otherwise.
That creature, that 8 Month Old with his crooked smile and folded over tongue, that full head of black disobedient hair and the dimple melts my heart and I started having thoughts I never expected to. Do I want another one of those? Why stop at two wonderful if you can have three wonderful? And then superstition and fatigue always kick in and I tell myself “Remember? TWO wonderful boys”. And another bizarre thought creeps in, a sentence I’ve heard somewhere – was it on a serious interview on CBC? Or a silly sitcom? – you’ve evened out the population the world. You now have a kid per parent. One to replace each one of you when it’s time, but you haven’t really contributed anything to the growth of the population. Excuse me?? Growth of the population? Did Angelina Jolie resign and put me in charge of population growth? I have no idea why, but the thought comes up, EVERY SINGLE time.
And then there’s the whole “now you should have a girl” mantra from some of our parents, from people in the elevator.
And then I wonder how I would handle three when this morning I was torn between just two? Since 8 Month Old wasn’t up at 5 a.m., it was 3 Year Old’s loud and insistent “MA-MAAAAA!” barging into my dream at exactly 5. He needed to use the potty and for a change did not resist my plea to go back to bed. He doesn’t fall asleep unless I lie down with him and very soon his little feet made their way to their safe spot, tucked just above and between my knees, wriggling and wriggling about until the first tiny snores were heard. And just as I heard those, I heard the first signs of waking up behind the wall. I was lying there shushing quietly, as I always do, to cover up the sounds that came from the next room, wanting to protect my older son’s fragile sleep, to keep his entire day from going astray, knowing he doesn’t nap anymore and will get incredibly cranky if he wakes up now at the same time feeling pulled toward my younger son’s room where he was waking up still cheerfully, but I knew that very soon his cheerful coos will turn into a desperate cry when nobody comes in to pick him up. Something had to give and it was 3 Year Old’s sleep when I eventually got up as cautiously as I could to comfort 8 Month Old.
I’ve given some thought to cloning recently. One of me would be able to sleep, that way. One of me would be able to attend to 8 Month Old’s needs while the other is still protecting 3 Year Old’s sleep, lots of benefits. But then I’d have to have that third kid, because 3 parents and 2 kids are disastrous for population growth, right?
And now to the winners of the Parenting Gag Reel e-book giveaway:
Melissa: I know I’m a parent because when I have a migraine my daughter barges into my bedroom and yells “MOMMY I’M HUNGRY!!!”
Anya: I look at the illustrations in my kids’ books! I grew up in a house full of books, and reading is one of the biggest loves of my life. Lately I’ve been reading more kids books than books for myself, but I have to admit – looking at gorgeous and imaginative illustrations sort of makes up for the obvious plot lines J
Stephanie: My daughter is off making the world a smaller place! Maddy is a talker and has absolutely no filter on who she talks to. If the person doesn’t answer or turns their back on her, she doesn’t think twice – most of us would worry about being liked, but not Maddy – she just motors on, obviously there is something wrong with anyone who doesn’t engage with her.
Last night we are out with my parents at a buffet restaurant – an easy restaurant outing since she will not sit in her chair and she is the pickiest eater ever and needs 16 different plates of food but only ever eats garlic bread, pizza and dessert.
At the next table was a girl of a similar age. Maddy slips off and starts chatting with her, despite the fact she is eating with her family. Maddy, we call out, you can not just go and walk up to a girl when she’s eating her dinner. Maddy looks at us and in a loud voice with much amazement “But I LOVE her…”.
after that there was nothing we could say.
so, she invited her new friend to her Birthday, of course. and told her all the exciting things she was going to be doing for her birthday – not that we have any say in this.
We did talk to the parents at the next table so she is off making the world a smaller place
Christine: I forgot to answer the giveaway question!… I know I am a parent when I can hardly stay focused enough to follow the rules.