I am Passionate About – Finish the Sentence Friday

30

April 25, 2013 by Katia

Kind of funny to talk about how I’m passionate about my kids. It’s almost equivalent to reporting that I eat, sleep and occasionally bathe. But this is what life revolves around right now, our kids. For me there’s also my writing. Not too crazy about the way they mix sometimes, though, writing and kids. Funny I should use the word crazy because I did THIS today. Twice. While home alone with 8 Month Old:

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Well, it wasn’t exactly that, to be honest. It was more of an underwear clad Walt White, rolling on the floor from side to side in a fetal position, kind of laughter, which implies less ambiguously than the example above, that you’re going through something. Since I couldn’t find THAT GIF, you’ll have to do with the visual. In his underwear, got that part??

I may have used some strong words on a call I’ve placed to 36 Year Old today and some more words on an international call to my mom, and I may have seriously contemplated (for the umpteenth time) to start liking to drink.

You see, there’s a guest post I’ve been trying to write for a couple of weeks at least. I was also trying to work on the post you’re reading, but it’s been impossible to get anything done recently. 8 Month Old’s been sick on and off for the last three weeks. First a fever then a cold with a very persistent cough. It’s been snowing or raining. He hardly naps and while he’s awake he won’t spend any time apart from me, unless the activity involves crawling, pulling himself up on something which allows him to shove: 1. chalks 2. catalogue paper 3. kleenex 4. phone wires 5. phone 6. remote control 7. leaves OR 8. Dollar store shit into his mouth. Which is why I’ve tried to interest him in a sock today.

I shudder as I write this.

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I feel guilty and scared to complain. Not about the sock part, I actually think that was the safest thing he tried to hold in his mouth all day. It’s something else. It’s an ingrained fear of jinxing. Complaining about something that is essentially good and then suffering the consequences.

When I was going through whatever you want to call it that I was going through in order to conceive 8 Month Old, I once picked up a magazine while waiting in yet another line at the fertility clinic. The magazine featured an article about the guilt that parents who struggled with fertility experience once they’ve successfully carried a baby to term and it’s time to start complaining. The fatigue, the sleep deprivation, the physical exhaustion all take a toll. Add to that the hormonal treatments that fertility patients go through for months, sometimes years and you get the picture. You want to complain just as much as everyone else, maybe more so, but you feel like you shouldn’t – having struggled so hard to get to where you are today. You’d be perceived as an ingrate, it’s not fair to others who haven’t succeeded yet.

I think about this article often and can’t for the life of me remember where I’d read it. I’ve identified with it to some extent reading it back then, but not fully, since most of my struggle with conceiving 3 Year Old was while I was still trying to conceive him naturally. 8 Month Old is a different story.

Do you still love me? 3 Year Old asks a few times a day after he spills another glass of chocolate milk all over the couch or calls me poopy. The answer never changes. I, myself, usually don’t spill chocolate milk and I try not to complain too much in my posts, but if you hear me do that please know that I am not ungrateful, just tired and I still love them. More than anything. Hope you can still like me.

This post is written for FTSF. Please visit our lovely hosts:

Janine at Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic

Stephanie at Mommy, for Real

Kate at Can I get Another Bottle of Whine?

Dawn at Dawn’s Disaster

30 thoughts on “I am Passionate About – Finish the Sentence Friday

  1. Stephanie Sprenger says:

    YES! I totally understand how the writing/parenting mix can be challenging. I live that. I also really get how hypocritical it feels to complain about the child you have, the one you desperately wanted, the one that emerged from the pregnancy that might not have been. But still, there is a time to complain. There is a place for it- we get to do that. Great post, not surprisingly.🙂

  2. I didn’t do fertility treatments and still feel guilty when I complain as my two little girls drive me up a wall. So, please vent and complain away. You have a willing listener and even someone who can commiserate right here. Thank you for writing this and linking it up with us even in the midst of craziness and know from experience this isn’t a small feat!!

    • Katia says:

      You are a good person, Janine. Thanks so much! In my state of frenzy I forgot to add the links to your blogs, but then realized it and included them in the post. Phew. Thank you so much for being such a great listener. I’ll try not to take you up on your offer, but it’s comforting to know you will listen if I do complain🙂

  3. angieryg says:

    “Complaining about something that is essentially good and then suffering the consequences.”

    I love your honesty and I am right with you on this one. My four kids are my passion, but I also get so tired. So.very.tired. Funny how I wrote about the same thing for this prompt!

    Don’t ever worry about complaining. They will feel your love. They will know your heart.

    I feel for you that you were calling your mama internationally which means you are far from her. From someone who calls and sees her mama quite often, I feel for you on that one. Know that you are not alone! Thanks for sharing your heart!

    Blessings,
    Angie

    http://www.findingjoyineverydaymoments.blogspot.com

    • Katia says:

      Thank you so much, Angie, and I’m sorry to repeat myself, but it’s so nice to get such supportive comments from a group of great people.

      I can only imagine how tired you are as a mommy of four. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, parents of 3+ kids are my heroes. I don’t know how you do it, but I admire you.

      Thanks so much for listening and I’ll head over to your blog once kids are taken care of.🙂

  4. I was very fortunate, and I had no trouble conceiving, but I feel guilty complaining too because I know that there are so many people out there who DO have trouble conceiving. As a compassionate person, I never want to assume that anyone has had it better than me, and I hate to be the person that is assumed no to understand how hard it is for some people. What I have learned in this last nine months, though, is that explaining the realities, venting about the moments and looking for some validation is really important. I read a blog post yesterday that said that parenting NOW is so much more difficult than it ever was before, there are so many factors that impact us as parents and we are so afraid of screwing the kids up royally if we do it wrong…I think your post is beautiful I don’t hear complaining, I hear reality. I hope that * month Old feels better soon.

    • Katia says:

      This is so thoughtful, thank you so much for these kind words. I think we’re all really scared of being perceived as complainers, but you’re right, at the same time none of us wants to do this wrong. I, too, hope that he gets better, taking him to the doctor today!

  5. We all have a right to “complain”! It doesn’t matter what your journey to parenthood was like. Try not to think of it as “complaining”. Think about it as needing a connection with other people and wanting empathy and support. That’s not being a complainer. That’s just being human.

    • Katia says:

      Thank you so much, dear Jessica! You’re absolutely right and coming from anyone else but myself I would probably not even perceive that as complaining.

  6. It’s your blog, you can complain as little or as much as you want! Hope you have an easy weekend!

    • Katia says:

      Thank you so much, yes, I have to remind myself of that. I have no problem complaining in real life, as long as it’s to people who don’t have a choice, like my mom and husband…😛

  7. ttoombs08 says:

    I think attempting to write with little ones under the roof is akin to wrangling cats in a thunderstorm. You do pretty darn good, tho! And I bet your kids turn out fantastic because they have an awesome mom.

    • Katia says:

      Yes, the analogy is very accurate🙂 Thank you so much for the compliment, they’re pretty fantastic already, without even realizing how awesome I am, but I’ll make sure to mention it😛

  8. Julie DeNeen says:

    Let me know when you’ve figured it out! I never did and I think if I had, I would be rich by now!

  9. Jean Heff says:

    I appreciate your honesty and I feel guilt for complaining also. I figure the guilt we feel is somewhat good- we have a lot of subconscious reminders to keep positive in life and maybe the guilt is a really sinister reminder but one nonetheless. I don’t come to your blog every week and see complaints all the time, so I think you’re in the clear. Hope your baby gets better soon. My son went through 2 months of being sick on and off last year and it makes every day feel at least twice as long. Now I’m off to click on your other link to see more of your great writing!

    • Katia says:

      Thank you so much, Jean, it means a lot coming from you. You’re right, I guess the guilt is an indication that my subconscious positivity reminders are all in place!

  10. I was out with a friend this morning who has a daughter and is trying to get pregnant again but has had little luck. She feels so guilty about being frustrated with her three year old. When you’re at home with your kids so much it can be extremely frustrating just as often as it is rewarding. I assured her she was not alone. We are all there from time to time. It’s the classic Mommy guilt! I don’t hear many dads feeling guilty about things like that-it’s just how we’re wired! We have to vent, because otherwise we’d explode, or become raging alcoholics.😉

  11. I will go with the above Comments that maintain that complaining, in and of itself, is not a sin…nor a character flaw nor and error*
    As an expression of how one is feeling, experiencing something, complaining should not be avoided or hidden.
    The basis, the prompt(ing) conditions for a person to feel a need to complain varies as much as people themselves do, but I think in the right circumstances/contexts, perfectly healthy and valid.

    *without, of course, the standard proviso to the effect that it (complaining) should not be used in an attempt to the leverage the emotions of another person.

    • Katia says:

      That’s very kind, but I’m afraid I practice complaining in real life a bit too often (only with my closest circle), which is probably why I don’t want it to take over my writing too!🙂

  12. Michele says:

    It’s not like you’re complaining about the existence of your children! You work hard as a mommy, and any sane woman would be a little overwhelmed. You get to look in on them at night, when they’ve passed out from exhaustion after a hard day of wreaking havoc on your whole life, and think “My, how angelic and beautiful they are”. Because we all know that’s when they’re at their cutest, when they’re still, and snoring. Great post!

    • Katia says:

      Yes, caught myself thinking their angelic quality as they slept more than once🙂 Thank you so much, Michele, for the kind words and from the sounds of it, you must have an angel or two yourself, you know what you’re talking about.

  13. I still like you! Struggling with finding balance between being a mom and a writer is something that’s really hard for me, too. I think the fact that I’m just now getting around to commenting on FTSF posts says quite a bit.
    And I know exactly what you mean about complaining – sometimes you just have to. But, yeah, the guilt. Me too. Me too.

    • Katia says:

      I know, the guilt. I’ve had it before but it’s gotten so much worse since the boys. Oh well, at least you still like me.

      And that’s funny (in a sad kind of way) about FTSF🙂 Loved your post, as usual!

  14. Jen says:

    As an adoptive mother (who gave up on fertility) I totally get that not thinking you should complain. It probably took me 5 years to get over it….now I have no problem. And I don’t like to drink either, but I still try🙂

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