June 2, 2013 by Katia
Taylor Swift: There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.
Dear Taylor Swift,
You don’t know it yet, but there is also another kind of hell for another kind of women and it’s a harderful place for mommies, which means it’s both profoundly wonderful and hard at the same time. Right next to where we quarantine those who don’t help other women there’s a little island called Humiliation and it’s like the island on Lost. Oh, sorry about that, just think of it as a place that we, mommies, end up visiting regularly, no matter how hard we try to avoid it.
God: My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest (Exodus 33:14)
Please let them both sleep through the night. Please. Please, please, please. Please let us rest. Please let us rest. Please let us rest. Please let rest. Please let rest. Please let rest. (Thump) MOMMY’S COMING! Huh? Oh, sorry about that. Please. Amen.
4 Year Old: Mama, I need tuh paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay*! (*Mother, I would like to use the little boy’s room, if I may).
Dear 4 Year Old,
Can we please sleep for five more minutes? (NO!) Please, please! It’s VERY early and mommy’s been up all night, please, please (gulp) PLEASE!
4 Year Old: OK.
Mommy: THANK YOU!!!! (Thump)
4 Year Old: One, two, three, four, five. There! Five minutes are up!
See what I mean, Taylor?
Katia’s Diary: I’m allergic to perfume, hello, does anybody care?!
I know we have to catch up on ’93-’13, so sorry about that, here’s some perfume for old times’ sake (spray, spray) but I have some stuff that is too personal to share on the blog. that’s on the internet, oh, sorry about that, just think about it as modems and ICQ’s, never mind.
Since I became a mommy, I’ve experienced humiliation, embarrassment and awkwardness on a whole new level. Between 2009-2013:
I’ve bared my boobs repeatedly in front of my mother in law.
I’ve accepted that Jelly Belly references me.
Self esteem crushers
The stuff I’ve worn in public and by stuff I don’t mean just the clothes.
I’ve prayed and begged a preschooler for sleep and was denied.
Potentially Life Threatening/Could get someone arrested
I’ve prayed that the lady with the weave and sparkly bag doesn’t hear my son’s excited “look mommy, a clown!” behind the car window.
I’ve prayed that the couple enjoying their weekend trip to the pioneer village understands that my son is joking when he tells them his parents are crazy and please call the police.
Potentially will require relocation/Around the neighbourhood:
Like when 3-year-old 4 Year Old happily exclaimed “Look, daddy, a monster!” upon noticing a baby held by his father on the playground of our neighbourhood school.
Like when 4 Year Old said to the neighbour lady with the dog and the deep voice “Huh, I thought you were a lady!”.
I’ve had to pretend that I didn’t understand 4 Year Old’s question “are you wearing underwear” that he asked me in front of a male house guest.
Like when 4 Year Old told his teachers in nursery school that I won’t be coming to Mother’s Day celebration, instead we will be inviting the baby sitter.
How do your kids embarrass you?