Mommyliation

21

June 2, 2013 by Katia

Taylor Swift: There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. 

Dear Taylor Swift,

You don’t know it yet, but there is also another kind of hell for another kind of women and it’s a harderful place for mommies, which means it’s both profoundly wonderful and hard at the same time. Right next to where we quarantine those who don’t help other women there’s a little island called Humiliation and it’s like the island on Lost. Oh, sorry about that, just think of it as a place that we, mommies, end up visiting regularly, no matter how hard we try to avoid it.

God: My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest (Exodus 33:14)

Dear God,

Please let them both sleep through the night. Please. Please, please, please. Please let us rest. Please let us rest. Please let us rest. Please let rest. Please let rest. Please let rest. (Thump) MOMMY’S COMING! Huh? Oh, sorry about that. Please. Amen.

4 Year Old: Mama, I need tuh paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay*! (*Mother, I would like to use the little boy’s room, if I may).

Dear 4 Year Old,

Can we please sleep for five more minutes? (NO!) Please, please! It’s VERY early and mommy’s been up all night, please, please (gulp) PLEASE!

4 Year Old: OK.

Mommy: THANK YOU!!!! (Thump)

4 Year Old: One, two, three, four, five. There! Five minutes are up!

See what I mean, Taylor?

Katia’s Diary: I’m allergic to perfume, hello, does anybody care?! 

Dear Diary,

I know we have to catch up on ’93-’13, so sorry about that, here’s some perfume for old times’ sake (spray, spray) but I have some stuff that is too personal to share on the blog. that’s on the internet, oh, sorry about that, just think about it as modems and ICQ’s, never mind.

Since I became a mommy, I’ve experienced humiliation, embarrassment and awkwardness on a whole new level. Between 2009-2013:

Therapy material:

I’ve bared my boobs repeatedly in front of my mother in law.

I’ve accepted that Jelly Belly references me.

Self esteem crushers

The stuff I’ve worn in public and by stuff I don’t mean just the clothes.

I’ve prayed and begged a preschooler for sleep and was denied.

June 2013 126

Potentially Life Threatening/Could get someone arrested

I’ve prayed that the lady with the weave and sparkly bag doesn’t hear my son’s excited “look mommy, a clown!” behind the car window.

I’ve prayed that the couple enjoying their weekend trip to the pioneer village understands that my son is joking when he tells them his parents are crazy and please call the police.

Potentially will require relocation/Around the neighbourhood:

Like when 3-year-old 4 Year Old happily exclaimed “Look, daddy, a monster!” upon noticing a baby held by his father on the playground of our neighbourhood school.

Like when 4 Year Old said to the neighbour lady with the dog and the deep voice “Huh, I thought you were a lady!”.

Why??

I’ve had to pretend that I didn’t understand 4 Year Old’s question “are you wearing underwear” that he asked me in front of a male house guest.

Like when 4 Year Old told his teachers in nursery school that I won’t be coming to Mother’s Day celebration, instead we will be inviting the baby sitter. 

*********

How do your kids embarrass you?

21 thoughts on “Mommyliation

  1. moyermama says:

    6 year old in front of a bunch of my mom friends, “Mommy, why are your arms so squishy?” 4 year old: “Actually, I did not poop my pants.” (completely random, I hadn’t been concerned with the state of his underwear up to that point).

  2. outlawmama says:

    You make me laugh!

  3. Brian says:

    We live in Utah, where the population is almost 100% white. So my boy had probably never seen a black person until about age 4, when he encountered a black lady in a grocery store and asked momma, “Is she a zombie?”

    Thank goodness he didn’t ask very loudly. I don’t think the lady heard, otherwise my wife would have found herself doing some awkward explaining.

  4. In all public toilets my daughter always asks if I’ve wet myself and congratulates me on being dry. She also loves to describe my pants loudly. Oh how I love potty trainers!

  5. Whenever my boy hurts himself while jumping on the sofa or trying to climb the AC and ends up with a bruiser or bump, he tells everyone (nannies, doormen building etc.) that his daddy did this to him… And here I am standing listening, speechless and mortified.

  6. Lina's Mom says:

    Every time we have to change in the locker room before/after swimming. If my 4 year old is in with me and my husband has the baby, I’m treated to loud comments like “Mommy, I like your nipples.” (This is an improvement in overall family embarrassment though, as when she used to go into the men’s locker room with her father she would ask pointed questions about certain anatomical realities.) I’ve come to terms with the utter loss of bodily privacy that comes with motherhood, but my daughter’s loud voice means her intrusions get shared with the wider world.

    • Katia says:

      These comments are priceless. I keep laughing and 9 Month Old stares at me with such curiosity.

      Oh, I hear you on this one, the utter loss of bodily privacy, that’s so well put. And yes, my son is very loud too.

  7. The Waiting says:

    I took C to the shoe store today to outfit her with some sandals for the summer. And she screamed. And she cried. And she behaved as if we were going to hack her feet off at the ankles to get the shoes on. It was funsies.

  8. findingninee says:

    Oh Katia! You continually outdo yourself. I love this! Let’s see. At a playdate with somebody I don’t know well enough to know whether she has a sense of humor or not: 3 year old grabbed my boob, squeezed it and said “EW! Stinky!” That was fun.

    • Katia says:

      HAHA! Yes, 4 Year Old is going through the stinky, poopy period too and I always pray that people understand it’s not me, it’s him!

      • findingninee says:

        Sadly, in my case, it may have been me. I’m honestly not sure.

      • Katia says:

        yes, as I was writing this I was telling myself it’s a bold statement considering the amount of time I have left for showers.

  9. Jen says:

    Katia this one seriously had me laughing. Sounds like your 4yo and my 7yo have a lot in common. Not only the shirt he’s wearing in the picture! This is a great post… I pray the prayer of sleep still. Not to discourage🙂

    • Katia says:

      😀 I love you and missed you. This has been a crazy week, but tomorrow I’ll be updating myself on your 7 year old, who I also think has a lot in common with my 4.

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Tired. Going from 10 months of staying at home with the kids to full time work is disorienting.  I have to redefine what my involvement in their lives looks like. I have to go dig for my creativity, it's not readily available. I have to make room for friendships that were already pushed to the outskirts of my mommy life. What was previously inaccessible, existing in the "so near yet so far" category - books, blazers and heels - became a staple in this old new reality in a matter of days. Tired and disoriented but also content, supported and appreciative. #momsofinstagram #random #randomthoughts #changes #workingmom #tired #tgif
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