Things That Make You Go Hmmm

30

July 1, 2013 by Katia

Did you ever get that annoying email with a list of items us 70’s and 80’s kids used as children but our next generation will never be exposed to? Like a rotary phone or a telephone token? Remember that email that made you think about your own parents’ childhood stories and about how you should probably update your will ASAP, and made you realize that you with your walkman, boom box and VHS past are about as happening as your mom’s school days inkwell?

Royal Worcester Corsets1900

Me, circa 1980, rocking out to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.  (Royal Worcester Corsets1900 Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On to another list of non-relevant stuff.

Lately I’ve been noticing that my house is full of stuff that is totally useless to me in my current reincarnation as a mom. Having lost their original function, these painful mementos are clearly only there to make a mockery out of me, to which I use my words and respond with a bitter yet dignified “eff you, OK?”.

I’ve compiled a list of such items to which I’ll gladly accept additions.

F*&k You!

F*&k You!

1. Alarm clock.

First on the “F You” list for obvious reasons. Yet I did some more thinking and then decided an apology was in order.

Dear friend,

Please forgive me for resenting you for so long for simply doing your job and ringing at 6:15 am. Waking me up in the mid-morning was very considerate of you, and thank you as well for taking the weekends off. I’m sorry for not appreciating what we had until it was too late. Hope we can hook up again sometime. Lol. 

Self explanatory

Self explanatory

2. Accessories.

Too painful. Too soon. Still raw. Moving on.

June 2013 295

3. Books

I’m sorry, what… who… did we?… remind me?? Oh, yes, of course!

I have no idea.

A closed door means no. Or does it?

A closed door means no. Or does it?

4. Doors

Remember when a closed door meant no? Now it just means anarchy and serves as a painful reminder of the fragility of our society’s conventions. Especially if it’s a bathroom door.

HA!

HA!

5. Specialty loose leaf lavendar teas for relaxation that you brew in cute little tea bags that you buy separately and they have these two little holes in them and you put a little plastic stick through those holes.

That. HA! Good one.

************

Accepting your suggestions.

30 thoughts on “Things That Make You Go Hmmm

  1. Katia this is great! The surest way to get my children’s attention is to go into the bathroom and close the door. Must be some evolutionary protective instinct that makes them feel abandoned by their caregiver if they are separated by even the flimsiest of structures?

    My house contains an interesting relic called an “ironing board.” Can’t remember what I used to do with it…..

    • Katia says:

      Your ironing board relic made me laugh out loud. So funny and true and I feel so much better about myself.

      Also, you’re absolutely right. It must be an evolutionary protective instinct.

  2. Lisa W. says:

    Love this! I would add the bathtub and/or fancy bath salts. I used to be able to sit and soak after a long day to let the bubbles melt the stress away. Of course now, I use the tub to bathe my kids, but I cannot event remember the last time I took a long bath. Some days I’m lucky to get a 5 minute shower!

    • Katia says:

      Totally! I almost put it there, but then I decided the perfume sort of covered it. But not really. You’re totally right abut the bathtub.

  3. Sarah Almond says:

    Yup! While I’d never trade my kids for anything, there are remnants of a former life around my house too.

    • Katia says:

      Never ever trade them for anything. I’m always slightly scared when I write posts like that of being perceived as an ingrate but I looked at the alarm clock one day and thought, hmm there’s a post in there somewhere…

  4. Oh, I love it when you are funny! Like, crazy giggling funny. I started laughing as soon as I saw the alarm clock and kept it up the whole way through. All the while, nodding, shaking my head, and occasionally muffling a sob into my ugly sweatshirt as I fondly reminisced on my old life. You are gifted. So versatile. So creative. So hilarious!

    • Katia says:

      Oh yes, the ugly sweatshirt. I’ve got one. Or seventeen of those. And thank you so much, my friend, for expressing so eloquently the way I feel about your writing!🙂

  5. Jessica says:

    Cute purses that held only my wallet, some makeup, cellphone, and keys. Now I either carry around a child’s backpack or some other large bag that can hold anything a kid can think of.

  6. Ha! Love love it! I laughed out loud about the accessories being too painful. And yeah, I put my alarm clock away. In fact, I may have even given it away. I feel bad now that I didn’t write him a nice note like you did yours.

  7. Considerer says:

    Thanks for this🙂 I shall look at my alarm clock, my books, my accessories and my bathroom door with new appreciation. And I’ll just go and have a cup of tea🙂

    Silver lining, silver lining, silver lining😉

  8. This is equal parts funny and sad…but I must say, cute shoes!
    Side note: if having children means not getting to read books, I may choose childlessness…

    • Katia says:

      I exaggerated a little bit. I did read books, lots of them up to the beginning of my current mat leave. It wasn’t until I started blogging that that last human attribute went.

  9. zoe says:

    I have a parrot that still mimicks that screechy to whining sound the dial up modem used to make…he could probably use an update.

    • Katia says:

      That is PRICELESS! I love your parrot, don’t update him, please, keep him in the dark on that one. He may be the only semi functioning modem out there.

  10. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at this list! I chose laughter. The door being superfluous is tragically funny! I would add my gym shoes to the list! Ha!

    • Katia says:

      Laughing is always the better option.🙂 Yes, when I thought of the door I had to agree with myself. And gym shoes, that rings a bell. I think.

  11. mixtapemom says:

    Sometimes I feel hopeful and put on earrings and a necklace, then I’m painfully reminded that my jewelry is communal property. I would add: fancy glassware and nice fabric tablecloths.

    • Katia says:

      Oh that is so well put. I often feel hopeful too and am reminded of the same. Hence the broken locks on most of my jewelry.😀

  12. Roshni says:

    One day. I renewed my friendship with a few books this year!

    • Katia says:

      That’s encouraging. I actually devoured so many books at the beginning of my mat leave and then I started blogging and it all went down the drain…

  13. I absolutely agree with all this! Accessories are the only thing I’m slowly trying to re-introduce in my life. And books, it pains my heart to see them all dusty!

  14. Sarah Almond says:

    Thanks for linking this up at the Humor Me Blog Hop Katia! 🙂

  15. ttoombs08 says:

    I miss fitting into my size 10 wranglers that I paid $50 for. I miss horseback riding because there isn’t hours left over from important stuff to devote to brushing, feeding, bonding with an equine (whimper). I miss staying up for days and actually being able to function like normal. I miss taking long showers without a little one playing with the shower curtain and wondering when I’ll be back to waiting hand and foot on him.

    Great share, Katia! And thank you for linking up with the Humor Me! Blog Hop!!!

  16. So much to look forward to!!

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