You Take Jack Fishing – Donate a Post by Jack Joseph’s Mom

9

July 4, 2013 by Katia

Miscarriage is grief. Miscarriage is loss. Miscarriage is also deprivation and I was reminded of that reading this blog post by Jack Joseph’s mom. Having miscarried after already giving birth to one child I sometimes need reminders like that. Jack Joseph’s mom writes about the child she didn’t get to have and this heart wrenching post is about longing.

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You aren’t in any of my dreams about Jack, except for one.

He is about 2 1/2 years old, and you finally decide you want to spend time with him and get to know him. You take him to Metro Beach to go fishing, and I go along because he doesn’t really know you, only the few stories I have to tell him, and to take pictures – so he will have those for later on.

You two sit along the waters edge with your fishing poles and you show him how to put the bait on the line, you try to teach him how to cast the line in the water. He gets so excited when he has a fish biting his line. You help him reel it in and he runs to me holding the slimy fish to show me. You should see the way his eyes shine. He is so proud of himself and he so looks up to you. For months after, it is all he can talk about. How his daddy took him fishing and he caught a fish on his first try. How he got to spend time with his daddy, who he calls a hero.

In the dream, I take a picture of the back of the two of you sitting next to each other by the water holding your reels. It’s his favorite picture.

My favorite picture is the one I catch of him looking up to you with such admiration.

 

****

Jack Joseph’s Mom: The loss of my baby, a pregnancy I was unaware of until it was over, caught me in a state of grief I could not recover from.  I later named the baby Jack, so certain he was a boy, and neither Jack’s father or my friends could understand why I was feeling this extreme grief and the anxiety. I am 36, this is my second miscarriage in 8 years, and I feel like Jack was my last chance to have to have a baby naturally.  This blog has been my outlet, a place to share my grief, experience, and finally receive comfort and support from others who have been through similar situations, and the reason I can now get out of bed in the morning.

If you are interested in contributing to the Donate a Post series, please contact me with your post at: iamthemilkblog (at) gmail (dot) com

9 thoughts on “You Take Jack Fishing – Donate a Post by Jack Joseph’s Mom

  1. Oh, I just know the baby that I miscarried was a boy too! When you said that, I got chills. I didn’t name him like you did, but I find myself telling my two year old girl that I wish she had known her brother. It’s a crazy thing to say, because a) she doesn’t really even know what I’m talking about, which is probably a good thing and b) if he had been born, I doubt she would have. The latter is so hard to wrap my head around…that the grief that I felt in his loss turned into my beautiful little girl. I had my daughter when I was 44! Please don’t believe that you are a statistic. Of course, there is never a guarantee, but I am living proof that it is possible!

    • Thank you so much for your comment! I am sorry you lost a little boy (how sure we both are our babies were boys), too. The naming part was weird. I used to have a lot of dreams about him and I sleep with the TV on (usually TVLAND) and I think an episode of Three’s Company was on in the middle of the night and I just knew his name would be Jack. I didn’t set out to name him, it just happened. You are a wonderful inspiration to me, and I hope, too, that I am not a statistic. Thanks you again so much for your comment and sharing your story!

  2. Jen says:

    This is such a beautiful and haunting post. Thank you so much for sharing it. Although I never miscarried, I went through the process of infertility treatments for over a year. Every time I went in to see if I was pregnant, I was so sick from worry and anxiety I could barely drive there. I didn’t even know if I was pregnant, I can’t imagine how you felt. We eventually decided the stress of trying was much harder than our other option, which was adoption. The adoption process was stressful too, but at least we knew we would have our child in the end, no matter what. And through that miracle my son Isaiah was born when I was 35, only 10 months after signing up with the agency, that was the same amount of time it would have been had we conceived naturally. I can’t imagine having done it any differently. I thank God for him every day.
    I am glad you are finding the connections to get through this, and I hope you continue to find the peace you need.
    ps I am well aware of the fact that many people get annoyed with the “why don’t you adopt” question. I am not saying you should if it’s not right for you. Just sharing🙂

    • Katia says:

      This is such a thoughtful comment. Thank you so so much for sharing, Jen. From reading about him Isaiah seems incredible and I can’t imagine him with anyone else! Lucky both of you.

  3. Sarah Almond says:

    Thank you for sharing this. This series is so wonderful in that it makes people dealing with this issues not feel so alone. Hugs to you.

  4. findingninee says:

    I, too, have experienced pregnancy loss and have dealt with people not understanding the grief, the anxiety and the feeling of being convinced that I already knew boy, girl… I commend you for sharing and talking about this – I am still fairly unable to speak about the years and years that I was childless. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
    Also. I want to say this – as an older mother, please do not feel like your story for being able to conceive is over at 36. I had my first successful birth 6 weeks prior to turning 41. I was on bed-rest from week 26 on and had multiple scares. I just celebrated my son’s fourth birthday with him on Thursday (Fourth of July – fireworks, for him and me!). You’re not too old. I promise. Sending hugs and understanding your way. I did have my son naturally. No fertility treatments. It happens. Please hang in there. And keep trying.

    • Katia says:

      These comments are an example of human kindness and our land, Kristi. This is so incredibly heartwarming to see the support women give other women here. Thank you so much!

  5. […] Miscarriage is grief. Miscarriage is loss. Miscarriage is also deprivation and I was reminded of that reading this blog post by Jack Joseph’s mom. Having miscarried after already giving birth to one child I sometimes need reminders like that.  […]

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Tired. Going from 10 months of staying at home with the kids to full time work is disorienting.  I have to redefine what my involvement in their lives looks like. I have to go dig for my creativity, it's not readily available. I have to make room for friendships that were already pushed to the outskirts of my mommy life. What was previously inaccessible, existing in the "so near yet so far" category - books, blazers and heels - became a staple in this old new reality in a matter of days. Tired and disoriented but also content, supported and appreciative. #momsofinstagram #random #randomthoughts #changes #workingmom #tired #tgif
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