July 4, 2013 by Katia
Miscarriage is grief. Miscarriage is loss. Miscarriage is also deprivation and I was reminded of that reading this blog post by Jack Joseph’s mom. Having miscarried after already giving birth to one child I sometimes need reminders like that. Jack Joseph’s mom writes about the child she didn’t get to have and this heart wrenching post is about longing.
You aren’t in any of my dreams about Jack, except for one.
He is about 2 1/2 years old, and you finally decide you want to spend time with him and get to know him. You take him to Metro Beach to go fishing, and I go along because he doesn’t really know you, only the few stories I have to tell him, and to take pictures – so he will have those for later on.
You two sit along the waters edge with your fishing poles and you show him how to put the bait on the line, you try to teach him how to cast the line in the water. He gets so excited when he has a fish biting his line. You help him reel it in and he runs to me holding the slimy fish to show me. You should see the way his eyes shine. He is so proud of himself and he so looks up to you. For months after, it is all he can talk about. How his daddy took him fishing and he caught a fish on his first try. How he got to spend time with his daddy, who he calls a hero.
In the dream, I take a picture of the back of the two of you sitting next to each other by the water holding your reels. It’s his favorite picture.
My favorite picture is the one I catch of him looking up to you with such admiration.
Jack Joseph’s Mom: The loss of my baby, a pregnancy I was unaware of until it was over, caught me in a state of grief I could not recover from. I later named the baby Jack, so certain he was a boy, and neither Jack’s father or my friends could understand why I was feeling this extreme grief and the anxiety. I am 36, this is my second miscarriage in 8 years, and I feel like Jack was my last chance to have to have a baby naturally. This blog has been my outlet, a place to share my grief, experience, and finally receive comfort and support from others who have been through similar situations, and the reason I can now get out of bed in the morning.
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