Lovingly Dedicated to my Sanity Assassins

50

January 3, 2014 by Katia

How horrifyingly awkward would it be if I were to start philosophizing here on the meaning of time, right? I dunno, but lucky you, you’re about to find out!

“What a funny watch!’ she remarked. ‘It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell
what o’clock it is!’
‘Why should it?’ muttered the Hatter. ‘Does YOUR watch tell you what year it is?’
‘Of course not,’ Alice replied very readily: ‘but that’s because it stays the same year for such a long time together.’
‘Which is just the case with MINE,’ said the Hatter.” 

(Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll)

Are you ready for a big un-AHA moment?

Time is subjective. DUUUUH. We all know that. None of that linear O’Clock BS. Well, that’s not exactly accurate. The linear O’Clock BS is just one of the many different kinds of time that wrap themselves around us. I remember that time when still on mat leave with One Year Old I all of a sudden I had thirty whole minutes of alone time when my lovely neighbour, Shawna, relieved me of mommy duties and I hammered out a post which I was extremely happy with. And then there were those countless times since said baby started daycare that I had the house all to myself for hours and I didn’t. And then there are these times that you spend with your kids at home during the holidays, viruses and Toronto power outages and it’s all rainbows and unicorns and snot kamikazes* until someone(s) stop sleeping and it turns into one extremely long day. Or sand grains or however you’re subjectively inclined to measure your time O’Clocks.

And that time that you have, which is so unpredictable and elastic and springy as it is is now split between mommying, wifing (of the non wifi kind) and wifing (of the wifi kind). But aren’t you also mommying  when you’re wifing of the wifi kind? Because isn’t your blog just as demanding as your most demanding child? We nurture it and nurse it by writingcommentingsharing, when we put it to sleep our internal monitor is still totally switched on and we listen and when we’re all awake we proudly observe and collect its milestones, don’t we?

My blogging goal for 2014 is to create separate O’Clocks for my different kids. As loved as IAMTHEMILK is, I will create separate time for it and will not allow it to intrude when I’m with the other two. They are much too precious.

I love my sanity assassins, Four Year Old, One Year Old and IAMTHEMILK. I also love my sanity restorers Thirty Seven Year Old, parental figures, friends and Alone Time. My blogging fantasy is to have some alone O’Clock with just me and my bloggy friends. Sometime in July, probably. And there might be a little conference involved.

IAMTHEMILKbad

  • Snot kamikaze – a brilliant term coined to describe One Year Old by the ultra-brilliant Jean, AKA Mama Schmama, whom I very much hope to meet for a crapfun party in my room, oh sometime in July.

*****

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post on the topic: My Blogging Goals – 2014.

Make sure to visit our wonderful hosts. When I grow up, I want to be them.

Kristi at Finding Ninee

Stephanie at Mommy, For Real

Janine at Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic

Kate at Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?

50 thoughts on “Lovingly Dedicated to my Sanity Assassins

  1. OK my life right here in this post. FSTF siderailed yesterday by 18 year old lying prone on bathroom floor due to stomach flu. For 6 hours. My intentions flew out in a blink. His welfare far more important than my paltry words. You’re right – our kids are much too precious.

    • Katia says:

      Oh, I’m so sorry, Kelly, that really sucks for your boy. Is he doing better today? Yes, our intentions become completely and utterly irrelevant when stuff like that happens.

  2. I love this and the term you have for it. I essentially wrote about doing similar with somehow finding the elusive balance. I seriously hope we find it, because as great as last year was, I ended it pretty stressed out with blogging and truly don’t want to feel like way anymore or neglect other aspects of my life, because to it.

    • Katia says:

      Look forward to reading your take on it, Janine. Is it really bad to say that I’m both disappointed for you and relieved for me that you can’t find the balance either? You always seem like you’ve got it all together.🙂

  3. bethteliho says:

    Blogs really are another child!!! Wonderful post with awesome goals. I have some similar ones for blogging/revisions/time with my kids this year.
    Btw, head over to my blog. Got some sunshine for ya.🙂
    xoxo

  4. “People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big bowl of wibbly wobbly timey wimey… stuff.”

    A little Doctor Who quote for your enjoyment.

  5. *sulks definitely a lot about July and being in England*

    But I like what you did here.

  6. Brilliantly put!
    When we studied time in my Ontology class – it was my favourite discussion topic ever. So fascinating how differently we perceive it!

  7. T. Dawn says:

    If I’m being honest, I see myself at this point in the future. I’m just starting to build a following (small but I’m excited about it), I’ve created a fan page (more distraction) and I’m constantly thinking about blogging and all that goes with it. My children feed this new love and distract me from it. Said like a better mother as “I am distracted away from them”. UGH…how do you find a balance and the time that’s right in front of us for all of it??

    • Katia says:

      Thanks so much for your honesty. I’ll be completely (hopefully not discouragingly )honest in return. I don’t think a balance is possible in the sense that we mean it. At any given point something’s got to give. The first year of blogging (which was also my maternity leave) was what you’re describing. An obsessive chase after blogging time. I couldn’t do it while I was with the kids, so I did it when my baby napped and in the evenings at the expense of my time with my husband. Which was not great. That said, I am now cutting back and I feel like I’ve been that infrastructure that allows me to do it. Bottom line balance does exist but to me it’s not a steady and stable fifty-fifty kind of arrangement but instead bouts of seventy five percent of free time goes to blogging vs. the opposite now. I hope I didn’t discourage you. You can email me at iamthemilkblog@gmail.com I’m always happy to discuss in more detail. Also – what’s your FB fan page? I’ll follow you.

  8. rmemommy says:

    One of my goals is similar – to dedicate specific time to blogging and turn it off when I am with my kids and.or my hubby. 🙂 “Sanity assassins” is simply brilliant! – I’m totally going to use it in the future!

  9. YES! That was a much more interesting and creative way of driving home the point- it is time for some blog/family separation. I think it is going to be even more challenging than I imagine it will be- even if I vow to not blog/comment/read while my family is around- putting down the iPhone and not discreetly seeing what my FB friends are up to is another story. But yes- it’s time for a much-needed implementation of the separation of blog and family policy! Good luck to us both! xoxo

  10. Things I love about this post:
    The phrase “sanity assassins.”
    That I’m hoping I’ll see you at BlogHer.
    The discussion of time, which I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. The time was too long when I was at work in an office, but now that I work from home it’s too short.
    Good luck with the balance thing! It’s something I’m trying to manage, too.

    • Katia says:

      Oh, such a true observation about office vs. non-office! And I’ll keep fantasizing about BlogHer. All the more reason to go that you’ll be there🙂

  11. April says:

    Thanks for this post! i just started my blog this week! I started mine to have an outlet. with three small children, full time and job, i really do not have much time to myself. Any advice for a new blogger who wants to keep her me time from interfering with her family time?

    • Katia says:

      You’ve just started this week? That’s awesome! And so honoured that you’re here reading this (and asking for advice, which I’m probably not at all qualified to hand out).

      It’s an interesting one. I did have a full time job and one kid, which I found difficult to juggle. I’ve never had a full time job + more than one kid + a blog. I’ve started my blog while on mat leave with 1 Year Old.

      I don’t know that a balance is possible (even without a full time job) but I know that blogging fulfills several important needs for me that I’m not willing to overlook anymore: a creative outlet as you said, a sense of self-fulfillment, a sense of connecting with myself and others. So even though there wasn’t much balance for me during the first year, some other important needs were fulfilled and it allowed me to step back now and take a more relaxed approach.

      Recommendation-wise as you can probably already tell I’ve devoted myself completely to blogging that entire first year and have no regrets, but I can’t honestly say that this is the recipe for marital bliss, so I couldn’t wholeheartedly recommend this. I knew we had a very strong relationship, but still blogging was in the core of a lot of our arguments. To avoid that, I would suggest deciding in advance how often you would blog and once a week seems like a realistic goal for a beginner, if not even once in two weeks, and designate an evening a week to blog activities. Tell your partner in advance so he can make plans of his own that day.

      I am happy to discuss further, you can email me if you’d like at: iamthemilkblog@gmail.com. Like I told Dawn, I hope I didn’t discourage you. Blogging is one of the best things that happened to me. EVER.🙂

  12. Sarah Almond says:

    Sanity assassins! I have those too!

    Ah July… I shall Skype on my phone and one of you must carry me everywhere so I can pretend I’m there. XO!

  13. Tarana says:

    This is such a good perspective about dividing time. I didn’t want to admit it at first, but yes, my blog is like another child, and I love it. All the best to you and your sanity assassins! #FTSF

    • Katia says:

      Thank you, Tarana. From very early on I felt like it was another child – lovingly at first, but not always. All the best to you as well!🙂

  14. This year I asked each member of our family to suggest a resolution for every other person in the family. They all came out with the same one for the matriarch: Spend less time blogging. Oh dear.

  15. Jean says:

    Yes times a million. 🙂

  16. Love your whole “time” analogy. Totally not your point but sometimes I wish I could get up in the middle of the night and function normally the next day.

    • Katia says:

      You know what the scary thing is, Kenya? I feel l that I cope way too well – going through the motions-wise – on days that I wake up at 4am and it’s only because there’s been too many of them. :-O

  17. findingninee says:

    You are brilliant and amazing my lovely friend! Finding Ninee is a bad boy too!! Ha. Your time explinations are so spot on. From the time zooming by, to ticking slowly when the kids wake up too dang early… I adore you and send huge best wishes for more time in 2014!

  18. Dana says:

    I have the same goal, although I didn’t write about it. My kids see me on my computer too often, and I want to change that. You said it brilliantly, Katia. Although I’ve always thought of Kiss my List as a girl, not a boy…

  19. Nina Badzin says:

    Very worthy goal . . . so hard. Love the blog = another child. Too true.

  20. Brian says:

    It’s a good thing my blog child doesn’t require the same level of nurturing and care as a real human child–otherwise, the state would take it away from me and give it to some blog foster parents, because I’ve not been a very good father to it.

    You, Katia, are an excellent mother to your real children and your blog, even when they are assassinating your sanity.

  21. AwesomelyOZ says:

    Haha we all have sanity assassins – I think sanity, like freedom, is an illusion hardly ever realized. We try continuously to achieve it without ever fully doing so – something always stammers in your way; children, blog, spouse, family, friends, dog, cat.. something. However, without these things life’s no fun so I guess sanity is overrated😉 Best of luck managing your time, I’m sure you’ll find the right balance for each, kids always come first.🙂 Have a great one and happy 2014 Katia! -Iva

    • Katia says:

      Dogs are the worst sanity assassins! I always love your perspective! And it’s true expecting sanity or status quo is well, insane. Have a wonderful new year, Iva!

  22. canigetanotherbottleofwhine says:

    I’m with you, Katia, I need to separate my two lives, blogging and family. That’s what I’ve resolved to do. Funny how my only resolutions (loosely called) for this year have to do with blogging. Probably because it’s been my entire life for the past year. I take it you’re going to BlogHer again this year. I’ll be going to BlogU in June instead – my dad lives in Maryland, so it’s much easier for me to swing.

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Tired. Going from 10 months of staying at home with the kids to full time work is disorienting.  I have to redefine what my involvement in their lives looks like. I have to go dig for my creativity, it's not readily available. I have to make room for friendships that were already pushed to the outskirts of my mommy life. What was previously inaccessible, existing in the "so near yet so far" category - books, blazers and heels - became a staple in this old new reality in a matter of days. Tired and disoriented but also content, supported and appreciative. #momsofinstagram #random #randomthoughts #changes #workingmom #tired #tgif
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