The Hidden Talents You Won’t Find on my Resume
42February 21, 2014 by Katia
My existence lately has revolved around resumés.
Are you still here?
Well, it’s been resumé writing, sleep and daycare deprivation and snow and cough proliferation, to be exact.
How about now? *coughcough*
Good, because I need the two of you to listen while I plug my business.
I’ve been looking at client resumés from every possible angle over at Recruiter Mommy, identifying ways for improvement, unearthing that which is worthy of unearthment and highlighting it and realizing how much I enjoy this work. And then I’ve been doing the same on my own resumé, as I’m still looking for part time work, realizing how much I not-so-much enjoy this when it comes to myself.
And then I started thinking about an alternative resume, discussing only my hidden talents.
So, are we hidden talent twins?
* Crapfun – Crapfun
***
This post was a FTSF post on the topic “One of my hidden talents is…”
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iamthemilk 
I would hire you in a second, Katia. I’d even let you take a long nap in the afternoon. Hope the sleep situation is getting better – I’ve been thinking about you.xoxo
How did I not list nap in the afternoon as an objective??? Thank you, my friend.
I so need to do one of these. Far more interesting than my stuffy professional resume. I too can call out the soda source!
😀 I know isn’t it? I think it would be so awesome to get resumes like that sent to me every once in a while when I worked as a recruiter.
Hmmmm maybe I’ll change my LinkedIn and see what happens…hahaha
*snorks with laughter* I don’t know what made me giggle more, the electricity, the ass or the… no, it was one of those two.
Go easy on the hari-kiri and the automatic assumption that negatives are about you.
Have you considered offering a Resume Support Service? I bet people would pay for that, if they could TALK and tell you things they know and can do, and you type it and make it beautiful. I reckon that would work….
Yes, that’s totally one of the services I’m offering. Well, more so the editing part. The resume writing, I’ll have to wait and see how I do on the other services, as this would be more time consuming. If I’m able to turn this into full time employment then maybe.
We are hidden talent buddies, except replace “Coca Cola” with “Diet. Dr. Pepper.” Also, I think I’ve redone my resume no less than a billion times, and I can no longer see it in an objective manner.
I know, there’s no “correct” or at least one way of doing a resume, it’s always a work in progress, isn’t it? A little sick of looking at my own, as well.
I’m glad we’re hidden talent buddies, I kind of suspected we might be.
Haha. I share some of those talents. I have a good memory and I’ll even remember birthdays of old schoolmates I don’t expect to ever see again but I keep that to myself for the most part because it makes me seem like a promiscuous stalker.
I know, I always think people would think I’m a creep if I tell them I remember their phone number from twenty years ago…
I can’t stop laughing over your broken tailbone comment! And why do we get college degrees? Seems the only things we need in life is what you mentioned here and not some Flippin geometric measure! I’m with ya! My hidden talent? Somehow dropping some sort of liquid substance on my kitchen floor at least once a day that is soon followed by a loud, boisterous swear word!
Oh! You share a talent with my four-year-old (minus the swear word, but I’m sure that’ll come…). 😀
I’m glad you enjoyed the tailbone anecdote, which BTW, is to bones what geometry is to life – totally useless. 😛
Katia, this is awesome and brilliant!! Love it. And for real – somebody’s kid asked if YOU are allowed to use electricity? That’s priceless. What is it that we’re so able to see the tragic in everything? Is that just a mom thing? A weird thing? Why I adore you so because I do the same thing? I’m impressed by the name thing by the way. I’m the opposite there. I can meet people like 6 or 7 times and still forget their names.
Oh Kristi, the tragedy-seeing was always a part of me. I once watched Dr. Phil (guilty as charged) and he gave that ability a verb “catastrophizing” and it just struck me. I’ve realized that I’ve been doing that my entire life. I so wish I could get rid of that one ability.
As for the names, so funny, post kids me has lost so many of my mental abilities, but I think this isn’t one of them.
I can fall like a pro. I fell down the stairs yesterday…like a boss! I love that you made this a resume. Brilliant!!!
Love it! I can see that, I feel like I can sense a fellow faller. 😀
Hired for sure!!! Practically twins in terms of remembering peoples names… unfortunately this tends to make us look a little creepy in situations where we bump into randomers from the past…and also picking out the most expensive item in a shop… much to my husband’s distaste!! ♥
It is a bit of a turn-off quality, isn’t it? 😛 The name thing, that is. Oh, and the pricey item one, for our husbands.
Coca Cola should a) pay you for this post and b) offer you a part-time position as coke sommelier 🙂 Have a great weekend!
Coca Cola should pay me period or think of some sort of a way for compensating me for the fortune I invested in them. VIP card? I LOVE the idea of Coke sommelier!
Oh my God, I love this game even more than my Superlatives “most likely to…” game. Now I want to make my own pretend resume. Yours made me giggle over and over. Most creative crapfun idea yet! xo
Maybe we should to a group post thingy!
I vouch for you. That plus a million other qualities and skills that make you hireable.
Proficient at crapfun. 🙂
😀 My best quality.
That’s great!! In my opinion, anyone should be idling to hire someone with a resume that says “MOM.” Instantly, that tells you the person is a multitasking genius who can operate on little sleep (as longs as there is coffee or Diet Coke) and can deal with “customers” who constantly whine and cry about things. I mean, really – what more could any employer want?!?!? 🙂
Mighty impressive, Katia. If hire you in a second. But we don’t have a lot in common other than our uncanny ability to find the most expensive item in the store and (I assume) covet it.
Made me think “with resumes like this why wouldn’t anyone hire us for part-time jobs with benefits at 75% of what we used to make working full time so we can afford daycare?” We’re just under appreciated, that’s all.
Exactly! I totally forgot to list the benefits and the fact that the job had to cover my daycare expenses. Great insight, going back to fix right away! 😀
You are so brilliantly funny! I laughed so hard at this, and I’m 100% sure we’re resume twins. Oh, and you’re HIRED. SO hired.
Best. Resume. Ever.
Means a lot. Thanks so much, lady! 😀
[…] My existence lately has revolved around resumés. Are you still here? Well, it’s been resumé writing, sleep and daycare deprivation and snow and cough proliferation, to be exact. How about now? […]
I’d pay to be able to remember everyone’s first and last name. That’s a real challenge of mine that doesn’t seem to be improving. We aren’t resume twins, but I had lots of fun enjoying yours. I think mine would have much weirder stuff. 🙂
Oh, I’m intrigued! 😉
Bwhahaah!!! Mine would be something like “Boy pee hardened on the back seat of the toilet because it seems legit that pee would end up there” toilet scrub extraordinaire
Oh yes, totally. Forgot to include that one. 😀
Best.Resume.Ever. Come hang out with me, we’ll drink some Coke. 🙂
Woohoo! A fellow Coke drinker. Here’s another reason I feel we get each other. 🙂
I would definitely hire you. I, too, somehow always manage to pick out the most expensive thing in the store and the item on the menu that is not available. It’s like I’m living in a constantly disappointed state!
You can receive no greater compliment from a child than their assumption that you are one of them.
Beautifully said and totally true.