April 3, 2014 by Katia
*channeling my positive neighbour Jim, the retiree*
Your turn. Make it your own. Go!
See? It’s pretty simple.
Homework: memorize and implement.
I never understood what the big deal was about responding with a simple “hello” to a child’s greeting. I see my extremely outgoing four-year-old put himself out there in search of interaction and his quest is usually rewarded with conversation, but every once in a while a grownup or another kid won’t so much as acknowledge his “hello” and as his mom and a fellow human being I find myself thinking – shall we go with – NOT COOL! And then I remind myself “chill, IAMTHEMILK, not everybody in this world flushes” and then it all starts making more sense.
Seeing that we live in a world where this is necessary:
I’ve compiled a list with some rules of thumb that you can’t go wrong with. I’ve also categorized them for your convenience. You’re welcome.
1. Miscellaneous: Always flush. Always. There is absolutely no reason to not flush.
2. Transportation: Let people OFF of the train first. It’s easier to charge in when no one is getting in your way. The same goes for the elevator. Really.
3. While you’re on the train you might want to consider giving up your seat for the pregnant lady, elderly person or person with disability.
4. Common Decency: “Guess how old I am” is not a fun thing to play. Not for anyone involved.
5. And while we’re on that topic, please don’t ask me “remember how twenty years ago…” or even put “twenty years ago” anywhere near my name, k? thx.
6. Please do not telemarket.
7. Career: Please do not pair your Uggs with yoga pants and wear for a job interview, but you should also consider not pairing your yoga pants with a blazer. The privilege of that look is reserved for people with a table covering their nether parts, like news anchors.
8. Oh no you didn’t!!!: No drilling, vacuuming, construction work or barking should ever occur while the baby is sleeping.
9. Relationships: Never assume that male + female = the basic fit is there, we can work out the rest.
10. Global News: Please do not assume that if a person sits next to you on public transportation or peruses your cab that means they share your political views.
11. Tragic misunderstandings: Please do not assume that you are the personal entertainment centre of the person sitting next to you on a transatlantic flight.
12. Realism: Dear judges on reality shows not dedicated to exploring outer beauty, please do not use “you looked great, though!!!” and contestants please do not retort with “I HAD A BLAST!!!” We were right here the whole time, remember? Don’t euphemise us.
13. Euphemism: Why you gonna be so condescending? Ban “conscious uncoupling”. #baneuphemism
14. Social media dictatorship: Hi! You know who you are. Pro tip: dictatorship and exploitation only work if you’re sharing a piece of land with your exploitees and everyone I know is moving to Pinterest and Google Plus.
15. Come on now: Always, ALWAYS say hello to a child who greets you.
Your turn! Let me hear it! Comment or link up:
This post was a Finish the Sentence Friday Post on the Topic (selected by me, woohoo!!!) “I never understood what the big deal was about…” and you can still join me and the lovely hosts on this hop:
Stephanie at Mommy, For Real
Kristi at Finding Ninee
Janine at Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic