The Ten Plagues of Parenting

39

April 15, 2014 by Katia

Last night we celebrated Passover. On the holiday that marks the freedom of my ancestors from Pyramid building I was being held hostage by 19 Month Old and his new negotiation technique, crib jumping. A while ago I had mentioned my kids’ chronic suffering from a condition called The Daycares. Yesterday it was 19 Month Old’s turn to show symptoms, so he stayed at home while the Passover meal was being prepared and thoughts of the ten plagues were plaguing.

The bible talks of ten plagues God struck the Egyptian Pharaoh and his people with: Blood, frogs, lice, wild flies, death of livestock, boils, storms of fire, locusts, darkness and first-born death. Home confinement opened my eyes to a set of different, modern day plagues. I give you Parenting’s Ten Plagues and their Twitter bios:

plagues

1. Toy crumbs – WHAT?? My friend Jean at Mama Schmama brilliantly discussed this phenomenon: toy crumbs are those tiny toy vessels that separate from the mother ship and start traveling around the house independently evoking much “WTF ARE you???” bemusement. They are never identified nor needed until they’re accidentally thrown away. Their Twitter bio reads: Parent taunters, Murphy’s Law channelers, devious little bastards.

2. Lego – Parent torture device, Sisyphean task friendly, leading toy crumb spreader.

3. Cheerios – Most of the time we’re Floorios*. Sometimes we’re buttons.

Not floorios.

Not floorios.

4. Chalks and Mommy Bum Stickers – Player haters.

5. Lice – Where the original ten plagues meet the parenting plagues.
//

6. Excess, more and anything there’s too much of – Eye openers to that fact that anything, including crayons, can be annoying.

excess

7. Kids’ Socks – The Houdinis of the garment world, Parents’ ultimate “the one that got away”. #xfiles

8. Crib jumping – #itspaybacktimebitch

9. Spillage incidents – Patience testers, provers that one can so totally TOO cry over spilled milk, provided one is parent.

spillage

10. Sleep deprivation – Not even funny.

***

What’s your most despised parenting plague?

Happy holidays!

* Floorios – all credit for this goes to my friend, Cheryl.

39 thoughts on “The Ten Plagues of Parenting

  1. Emily says:

    Very clever…here’s another plague: The Teen Years…big kids, big problems!

  2. Candid Mama says:

    My parenting plagues: Piles of laundry, diapers, and handprint slime on everything.

  3. My plague: Incessant whining! When will it stop?!?!?! Also vacuums. My kid is overly obsessed with vacuums… WHAT?!?! Thanks for sharing. Very cute.🙂

  4. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says:

    Love it! My parenting plagues are whining, laundry, messes, and stalling at bedtime!🙂

  5. Sasha says:

    Haha, this is so funny and true! My favorite is the “floorios.” Mine is probably the milk dribbles from all the “spill poof” sippy cups found in every room of the house.🙂

    • Katia says:

      Floorios are a plague only parents can fully appreciate😀 Oh yes, the spill proof sippy cup myth. Maybe my next post should be about myths…

  6. Natalie DeYoung says:

    Once again, you made me laugh, especially at the toy crumbs observation. I’ve noticed this phenomenon for decades; so glad to see it has a name.

  7. Sarah Day says:

    Toy crumbs! I’m so glad they finally have a name! We have more pieces sitting around that I can’t identify. I’m afraid to throw them out because as soon as I do, someone will need them.

  8. Sarah says:

    Literally. I think I can about 50 floor ops up a day. Drop of wine in the plate for that!

  9. Sparkles! They stick to everything.

    • Katia says:

      I’ll take your word for it. Sparkles must be the girl equivalent of stickers. Or maybe that’s stickers… I would imagine sparkles on everything must be annoying…🙂

  10. bethteliho says:

    #FlushTheDamnToilet
    #DidYouWashYourHands
    #ThatsNotWhereYourShoesGo
    #PutYourDirtyClothesInTheFrigginHamper
    #GetYourHandOutOfYourPantsWe’reInaRestaurant
    #YesYouDoHaveToDoHomework
    #DontSassMeMister

  11. haha this is so funny. I’m a new blogger and this is my first read. gonna love bloggin’. oh btw my worst would be #there’sadadinthehouse

  12. Liz says:

    LOL. These are all much worse than locusts. What plagues me is the OCD–she must have her juice in the blue sippy cup with the red top or it may rain blood.

    • Katia says:

      So much worse than locusts (in theory. I think I would have totally freaked out had I encountered a locust). But yeah, cheerios and lego, what a deadly combination, eh?

  13. Nina Badzin says:

    So clever! I’ve been plagued by them all as well. Happy Passover!

    • Katia says:

      Happy Passover, my friend! It’s been too long since I’ve visited your corner of the blogosphere. I’ll have to attempt some catching up tomorrow!

  14. Oh. This. Just. Takes. Me. Back. Thank you. The cheerios. How could I have forgotten the cheerios? The crayons. Everywhere. How could I have forgotten the crayons? The spills that go unnoticed! Or the spills that don’t and all you hear are “SShhhh get a cloth! Now!” The missing socks – yes!~ So often it was a case of my pals looking at my darlings’ mismatched socks and asking “Have you another pair at home just like them?”

    Hahahaha! So delightful to look back on this and know I’m out of it. Tee hee! Thank you for this refreshingly delightful look.

    Happy Passover!

    • Katia says:

      Thanks so much, my friend! I’ve felt horrible every time my kid(s) wore mismatched socks. Feels so much better to know it happens in the best families🙂 Happy Easter!

  15. jacqueverse says:

    I love this! How about Kix cereal. When you step on them they pretty much explode!! Happy Passover!

  16. Tarana Khan says:

    Yes, about the Cheerios! And I’m so tired of the constant spills, and now we’re potty training, so I don’t even know what is what…

  17. juleseff says:

    Sneaking silently into our bedroom early in the morning, then shouting ‘I’m awake!!!’ really loudly 2 inches from my face and making me jump 10 feet in the ear and scream the house down!

  18. Rinki says:

    Wait till they get holes in their favourite socks! Its hard for my DD to get into a new pair… she always sneaks in an old pair with small holes that she can pick in all day and make it BIGGER! OH! How would the teacher react to those holes! Not that i dont have $$ to buy her new ones … but that girls just doesnt like the new ones. Hope its not only at my home. LOL.

  19. Theresa Andersen says:

    Oh this is amazing – the toy crumbs… I actually got so sick of realising I needed them only after I had thrown them out that I have a toy crumbs drawer!!

    The only thing I would add as a mommy of a three year old and six month old is stickiness! Sticky toys, sticky door handles, sticky mats, sticky shoulders, face, and hair (mine)!

    Love your blog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Between 2014-2015:

BlogHer '13 Voices of the Year Community Keynote Honoree
Scary Mommy
The Epistolarians

Books:

Categories

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 15,990 other followers

Do you think that they're trying to tell me something? #momsofinstagram #lifewithboys #mobsofinstagram #goodnight #goodnightsleeptighttakesonawholenewmeaning #parenting #random
Donate-a-post-iv
mumsnet
Blogarama - The Blog Directory
Finish the Sentence Friday
%d bloggers like this: