I Wrote a Review About Medieval Times and Made it all About Myself. And Moms. And The Bachelor.


May 12, 2014 by Katia



FUN FACT: X number of years ago when I was but a young Masters degree student at the Tel-Aviv University I majored in Art History, specifically Medieval Art. REALLY FUN FACT: I wrote my thesis about the sculptural program of a Romanesque church in southern France. it was called St. Maurice De Vienne. Hashtag truestory.

I think we can all agree that I’ve established my credibility as a Medieval Times reviewer. Let us proceed.

You may have read my previous post about being a boy mom. One of the unmentioned benefits to that status is the ability to get vicariously excited about all things knights, trucks, loud and grossed* which is great because one of the other side effects of parenting in the early years is a very limited array of non-vicarious excitement opportunities. You can imagine my vicarious AND non-vicarious excitement when I opened my blog’s mailbox and found an email from Medieval Times.

*Insert medieval trumpets*

(note to self: Don’t forget to Google “is medieval trumpets a thing?”)

From the get go the customer service at MT was impeccable. They had offered us a choice of dates and were happy to accommodate my request to do this on my son’s fifth birthday. We wanted to surprise him and kept our invitation to participate in a dinner and tournament as a secret and as the date was approaching my vicarious excitement was growing. When our modern day chariot entered the grounds of the royal castle a magical thing happened and excitement excitement took over.

From the moment you enter those gates, you (yes, I’m talking to you, Mrs. No Fair Why Did You Give Me Healthy Food Again When I Asked For Non Healthy And Why Do You Care so Much About Health And Not Getting Hurt Or Killed Or Deadness) are referred to as My Lady and let me tell you this, My Lady, Medieval Times is full of people who don’t break character. Thank ye so much royalty, shoppe keepers, maidens, wenches and servers for creating an atmosphere and caring about authenticity and your guests’ experience. Medieval Times even catered to one of my biggest pet peeves, places that “break character”. Moms, do you know did you use to know that really cool restaurant with modern and edgy design and an endless parade of hipsters flocking its doors? Is it so hard for the restaurant owners to show their washrooms some love? Do they HAVE to look like some dodgy dorm room you should avoid at all costs?


April 2014 2281

This is the way we dry our hands.

During the hour before the beginning of the show there’s plenty of opportunity to shop, enjoy a pre-show show (knighting ceremonies where for a few golden coins you can get yourself knighted and photographed with the King) or just hang out with the horses.

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So we had our son knighted, because duh. My son is the hello-stranger-on-the-street-I’ve-never-met-before-in-my-life-I-love-you-and-want-to-talk-to-you-and-tell-you-all-about-my-day-and-life-and-dog-that-passed-away-last-year type. I was worried he may not leave the stage once his knighting ceremony was over, however instead he went completely mute in awe of the magnitude of the event and only occasionally nodded to the crowning King. Mostly not at the right time.

History in the making. My son is speechless, oh, and being knighted too.

History in the making. My son is speechless, oh, and being knighted too.

To bestow the spirit of tournament upon us when dinner was about to begin we were called to our sitting areas around the arena according to the colour of our crown. Oh yeah, we were wearing crowns, check us out.

April 2014 2303

Ecstatic as I was to begin the journey, I almost joined the wrong group. Luckily my knight in shining armor was there being embarrassed for me, himself and our son so he stopped me in time.



Enter great big huge arena, front row seats at tables fully set up for dinner and merry servers and wenches to guide us through the experience. Now when was the last time someone served you dinner, moms? Better yet, when did someone encourage you to BOO at the top of your lungs? When did you enjoy tomato bisque while a horse danced in front of you? Doesn’t happen every day, amiright?

April 2014 2333

The show part consists of a short parade, followed by the tournament, a falconer performing tricks with his bird of prey and at the very end you will even witness battles between the knights. Motherhood is full of surprises. The fact that my son and husband loved all of the above wasn’t one of them, but I realized that I’m surprisingly into horses, falcons and knightly tournaments, and OMG, ladies, wait till you hear this.

Who here watches The Bachelor? The last thing I was expecting was to participate in a rose ceremony at Medieval Times and I didn’t, but what do ye know. Ladies. There’s some handing out of roses that occurs and you may or may NOT get one, just sayin’. That being said, dear Red and Yellow Knight, is it because I’m married? Is it because I brought my husband and kid, was it too much too soon?

He wasn't expecting to feel so much so soon.

He wasn’t expecting to feel so much so soon on this journey.

I didn’t get a rose, but I got so much more than that. These were three of the best hours I’ve spent in a while being wined, dined, entertained, encouraged to boo all the while watching my husband and son having the time of their lives. The show rubbed off on them, as you can see.

Sword fight with lightsabers and flags.

Sword fight with lightsabers and flags.


And as for me, I may not have a rose, but I still have my dignity. And I can’t wait to come back in three years to celebrate 21 Month Old’s fifth. Just sayin’, Red and Yellow Knight, just sayin’.

April 2014 2380

This is how you do dignified limo, ladies.

For more details please visit Medieval Times Toronto’s website.

* Grossed = Five Year Old’s way of saying gross.


Leave a quick comment letting me know why do you look forward to this experience. Make if funny or touching! You’ve got 48 hours until I announce the winner on my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/IamthemilkBlogFriendsAndReaders and Twitter: @KatiaDBE

I’ve decided to make this Review Week since I’ve got a few of them lined up. I hardly agree to do any reviews, since I don’t want the blog to change its focus, but when I do agree these are products/services/venues that I wholeheartedly stand behind and recommend. You can join me again this week for more reviews or come back on Friday for a regular post.

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42 thoughts on “I Wrote a Review About Medieval Times and Made it all About Myself. And Moms. And The Bachelor.

  1. My daughter is obsessed with horses right now so a trip to Medieval times would be such a fun time for her. My son of course loves knights and battles so he would also love it. Great contest!! Thanks for sharing!

  2. Kristi Campbell - findingninee says:

    What an awesome birthday experience! I love it and it looks like you had so much fun!

  3. Susy Sehmrau says:

    I love that you wrote about this!, My father had kept mentioning that he really wanted to go to this and every year I thought “oh maybe for father’s day” and never did it, then 2 years ago I decided I am going to surprise him and take him! Got tickets and the day before Father’s day he suddenly collapsed and passed away the next ON Father’s day, I gave the tickets away not wanting to go without him. This year will be 2 years and I keep driving by it and saying ” I am going to go and bring Chloe I know she and my hubby will love it!” Time waits for no one, so I am going to enjoy life and live in the now and not the later 😉

  4. pileofbabies says:

    You, my dear, are my favoritest.

    Thank you for pulling back the curtain on Medieval Times. A lot of questions were answered today.

  5. Julie says:

    Would love to do this with Ollie! He as a knight costume he loves to dress up in at home so see this live would blow his mind!

  6. I didn’t know this place really existed! I saw it in a movie once (The Cable Guy, I think?) and thought it was something they made up for the movie. It sounds fabulous! My kids would love it. We have a Renaissance Festival that comes within a couple hour drive from us once a year and this makes me want to take my kids next time. 🙂

    • Katia says:

      Yay, I’m glad you liked it based on my description, Karen! I honestly wasn’t expecting to have that much fun, but there’s something so invigorating in that atmosphere. I highly recommend going. Or to the Renaissance Festival, which I’m sure is so much fun too!

  7. Dana says:

    I was surprisingly entertained at Medieval Times too. We went at a time when my son was obsessed with swords and knights – how can you resist? No rose for me, but our knight won. So woo hoo!

  8. ponymartini says:

    Oh my goodness. That looks like so much fun! I am pretty sure I don’t have a Medieval Times anywhere near me, but if I did, I’d be there elbowing other women out of the way for a rose.

    • Katia says:

      😀 I’d elbow other women too, except I was pretty conveniently located and there was no one to elbow. I did give Red and Yellow Knight a few intense looks like “come on, what are you waiting for, you and I both know this rose is for me” what happened remains a mystery.

  9. Muvva says:

    Really enjoyed reading this! Thanks for sharing!

  10. Cheryl Green says:

    My comment is a picture, you’ll need to swing by your Facebook page! My son is actually a knight as you will soon see. Just sayin.’ 😉

  11. Mommy A to Z says:

    I used to love Medieval Times. For me, it’s all about the giant turkey legs. Gobbling one down makes me feel like Fred Flinstone…if Fred Flinstone wore a suit of armor and dismounted a horse instead of a dinosaur. Thanks for the fun review!

  12. shivaune wright says:

    so so cute. and you are an amazing writer, my friend. so glad that susy won, too, although i didn’t read any other comments, just went straight to the winner! 😉 brendan has been wanting to go to this, and every time he mentions it i roll my eyes and hope that he forgets about it…but now…perhaps, his wish will be granted…and callum will think he’s died and gone to heaven 🙂

    • Katia says:

      Oh, it’s so worth going, I’m sure Callum and Brendan will be besides themselves, but I’m pretty sure you’d enjoy it too! If you end up going let me know what you thought, I’d be curious to hear! 🙂 Also, next time I’ll let you know when I do a raffle. I wanted to tag people on Facebook to let them know but I felt a little awkward doing it… Also also thanks for the compliment, friend!

  13. Aussa Lorens says:

    Oh my… this looks like way too much fun. I’ve seen billboards for this place, I will absolutely have to check this out. I have TEN nieces and nephews, we could have our own royal house up in there.

  14. This post has me aww wing and giggling – so good.

    Sounds like SO MUCH FUN!

  15. This post had me awwing and giggling – so good.

    Sounds like SO MUCH FUN!

  16. Kim says:

    Oh man. Hello fellow writer, mom of boys, and Torontonian: We just went to Medieval Times two days ago and I thought about writing about it, but then stumbled upon you. And you already did it, and so beautifully. Yes, my thoughts exactly. Well done wench!

    • Katia says:

      😀 Thank you, I needed to hear a friendly voice today, because apparently defending women is controversial stuff. But I digress. Hello, fellow Torontonian mom of boys. Thanks for being kind! I will stop by and check you out once the chaos dies down a little bit…

      • Kim says:

        Yes, I wondered about that…I had a recent nightmare with press and hate mail, so I get it. Here’s what someone told me when I was in the middle of it: “All the water in the ocean can’t sink the boat unless you let the water in.” Hang in there. You hit a nerve, that’s not a bad thing, it needed to be hit. Endure.

      • Katia says:

        Thanks again so much, Kim, it’s comments like yours that have kept me afloat today. 🙂 Not sure why, but I really let the negative attention get to me. So sorry you had a similar experience. Not sure if you’d want to discuss that in more detail and regardless of that, I’d love to connect with you. Once all of this dies down a bit, I’ll head on over to your blog, I’m curious! 🙂

  17. Kim says:

    Hi Katia, How are you hanging in there? Hope all is well. I’d love to connect. I don’t write on my blog much anymore or publish comments there (my press debacle was unrelated to my blog, and I am trying to be very anonymous online)…but if you leave a comment there, perhaps we can find each other.

  18. […] sure you can’t forget my previous visit to Medieval Times about two years ago when I wrote a review about it and made it all about myself, moms, and The Bachelor (Roses from MEDIEVAL KNIGHTS, ladies. […]

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