June 26, 2014 by Katia
Hey, girlfriend. Did you break up with a show recently?
I know. Breakups are ugly.They’re full of empty Haagen Dasz cartons, revenge haircuts and voodooed photographs. But let’s be honest here, this is different. It had ‘Doom’ written all over it in Scary Vampire font. Unlike most other relationships in your life this one came with an expiration date, a timeline – S.3 episode 22, it read.
So what do you do when your current Netflix obsession runs out of new episodes, there’s no new season in sight, you’ve cut your hair, lost ten pounds and still no call? Here are some suggestions to help you regain control over the situation.
1. Prevention: Eliminate the Element of Surprise – Taking on a new show is the equivalent of embarking on an intense relationship with a guy who’s about to go backpacking with no return ticket. Memorize his departure date. We’re trying to avoid that terrifying moment, when instead of the anticipated season 3: episode 23, your screen greets you with a season 1: episode 1.
2. Entertain Shadowing – and I use ‘shadowing’ as a Gwyneth Paltrow/Chris Martin kind of euphemism for ‘cheat’. You know how most workplaces won’t wait until the employee they’re replacing leaves before they bring in the replacement? See where I’m going with this? Pretty Little Liars would be the quick learner you’re looking for when your Gossip Girl relationship is about to expire.
3. Rebound (As In a Verb) – This is your chance to experiment! Choose something totally different, consider substituting Downton Abbey with Weeds. Vice versa works too.
4. Be Zen About it. Go on a Cleanse – don’t plunge into your next relationship too quickly. Take a breather, meditate, the answer will come to you when you least expect it.
5. Binge – The man I’m currently in an open TV viewing Netflix relationship with, Chuck Bass, once suggested when breaking up with Blair for the eleventieth time, that they get over each other by, well,
banging binging. Binge on your favourite show and you’ll see how pretty soon it’ll be like that word your toddler repeats over and over and over again until it stops making sense.
6. Remember Help is Here – You’re surrounded by people in various stages of Netflix show addictions. They get it. Reach out.