September 30, 2014 by Katia
“Ever heard of the Maslow Pyramid, kid? To survive in this world you’ll need to eat, drink and occasionally sleep. You know, the basics.” – Smart Grownup People
You know how your kids (at one point, at least) view you as some sort of a divinity? Well, there has to be some truth to it, because what kind of a humanoid creature exists without food, drink and sleep?
In my five years tenure as a parent I’ve come across a variety of ways in which my children try to challenge my determination to eat, sleep and pee.
Here are some of the ways in which they’ve been executing their psychological warfare:
* The Post Midnight Summon:
It’s almost never a helpless whiny Mamaaaaa but more of a hey-it’s-your-boss-buzzing-you-at-2am-what-the-hell-have-you-been-up-to-slacker call. You do the Jack in a box and try to cram a power nap in while you feverishly shushhhh your way into your toddler’s room for fear he’d wake up your preschooler (who has yet to make an appearance in your bedroom – see next item). You’re greeted with a disturbingly perky “mama, beee wead stowy!”.
* The Invasion:
Is it a ghost? Is it a vampire? Is it a zombie? Nah, forget that sh**. Sleep deprivation and its agents are what makes the night scary, and look, it’s your preschooler and his active imagination at your bedroom door at 2:30am. Sweet dreams!
* A Bunch of Things That Wouldn’t Be Annoying At All if They Occurred When You Weren’t Trying to Sleep
It’s go-the-F-to-sleep O’Clock and now that they’re in your bedroom they’re all about hydration, catching up on current affairs, figuring out how the universe works and practicing deep breathing.
* I Kick Therefore I Am:
Remember the excitement of feeling the first kicks, mom? Well, it doesn’t stop. The kicking, that is. At some point your preschooler will decide they’re more comfy sleeping horizontally between two grownups and relocate to your bedroom. If you’re a glass half full kind of person consider this: now your husband gets to participate in the experience.
* Shift Work
My kids don’t see eye to eye on a lot of matters but when it comes to the fact that someone needs to make sure we wake up within the 5am time slot, they are on the same page. They’ve worked out some sort of an agreement whereby if for some reason 2 Year Old sleeps in (read a 6am wake up) then 5 Year Old is sure to fill in for him. Glass half full? They seem to have really internalized the whole team work concept.
How do your kids make sure you don’t sleep?
This has been a Netflix Stream Team post on the topic “back to basics”. The return to basics made me think of my own childhood and my desire to expose my children to some elements of it. I recently came back from a visit to Israel and brought two of my Garfield comic books with me. I’ve watched Garfield on Netflix with 5 Year Old before and intend to start viewing it together again. In an attempt to create a viewing menu that is non violent but still appealing to a five–year-old boy we’ve let him watch old episodes of Scooby Doo. His great fascination with everything spooky tempts me to share Ghostbusters with him, but I will probably wait for another year or two.
What shows do your kids watch?