Parenting’s X-Files: The Mysteries of Child Rearing

33

October 27, 2014 by Katia

Imagine the X-Files opening theme.

Now imagine me showing you the month of October as a Rorschach ink blot.

(creepy, right?)

So what do you see?

Is it the word “indecisiveness” floating over an image of scales with falling leaves in the background?

Is it looming pornstaches or a more mainstream skeleton behind a creaking door?

Wanna know what I see?

Well, it’s definitely not creaking doors opening on their own to reveal one kind of mystery and another and that is because quite frankly – been there, done that. My mystery quota is maxed out, pal.

Here’s the thing. From the moment you conceive and they inform you that you should, in fact, add two weeks to your pregnancy so it actually starts before it actually did – parenting is full of mystery. Just like that state of chronic barf mysteriously referred to as “morning sickness”. Just like the mysterious pink (chewed up?) goo you just found in your shoe in an all-boy household.

I’ve compiled a list of some of the mysteries that I find myself pondering frequently. Hope you add yours onto the list and perhaps help me solve some of mine:

• Why do your children want to eat the food you offer them only when it’s sitting on your plate and while you’re eating it?
• Who tells your child to be on call on those rare occasions their sibling slept in and missed the mandatory 5 a.m. wake up?
• How is your child’s body in sync with the family calendar and what is it about the words “family vacation” that launches an attack on their immune system?
• How come they’re called family “vacations”?
• Stickers. WTF.
• What is it about the bedtime routine that evokes such intense thirst?
• How come toes look good on them?
• How do they find out about your clandestine once in a blue moon dates with your spouse and stay up especially late on those nights?
• How come three years later poop is still AS funny?
• How is it possible for them to rely on mutually exclusive paradigms like “mama does everything I want” and “you never listen to me, mama!“
• How are they capable of so efficiently blocking out surrounding noises up until the moment someone says the word “cookie”?
• How come they’ll inevitably put a stain on your favourite shirt of theirs bought yesterday and worn for a total of 5 minutes?
• How is it that they’re so immune to certain teachings, like the fate of a Cheerios bowl placed on the couch’s arm rest?
• Why is it that they insist on watching the same precise show which gave them nightmares the last time they watched it?

***

Speaking of Scooby Doo, this post was a Netflix post on the topic of “Mystery”. My top five favourite mystery shows on Netflix in no particular order (except for Lost) are:

1. Lost

2. Buffy The Vampire Slayer

3. Twin Peaks

4. The Killing

5. *coughprettylittleliarscough*

How about you? How do your kids like to keep the mystery alive?

What is your favourite mystery show?