6 Things That Make Kids TV Shows Super Annoying

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April 16, 2015 by Katia

 

annoying shows

Remember that famous cliché: everything changes once you become a parent? I’ll vouch for that! Ever since becoming a mom five years ago, I look at my surroundings and perceive them in a whole new light. It’s kind of a low tech “let-me-hit-the-light-switch-in-mom-and-dad’s-bedroom-on-and-off-repeatedly-at-5 a.m.-before-I-move-on-to-the-bedside-table-lamps” special effect type light. Yes, nothing is the same anymore. It even seems like most of my household items, formerly there to serve and protect (see alarm clock, electric kettle, bathroom door), now continue existing for the sole purpose of mocking me. The hardest one for me to accept is the TV. Previously a source of inspiration and comfort, it attacks me nowadays with brightness, loudness and rapid eye movement inducing images.

Kids’ shows appear to be designed to drain parents of their last remaining shreds of sanity. Here are some of the ways in which they do it:

Perkiness

Google The Wiggles and the first page that comes up will refer to them as “Four Aussie guys in their colorful skivvies.” Sounds about right. Enter exhaustion.

Dear Wiggles, I know your demographic is 2-8 year olds and you’ve nailed it with your sense of aesthetics, delivery and energy levels, but remember, my toddler and preschooler are not turning the TV on by themselves. There’s someone at home to help them with that—someone who hasn’t slept in five years and has not a perky bone (not to mention other parts) in her body. Either stop singing or dancing or lose the colorful skivvies. Something’s gotta give, mate.

Unsolved enigmas

No thanks, Mystery. My caseload is full. I’m currently working on “If You Were a Five, or Possibly Two-Year-Old, Where Would You Put my Husband’s Work Badge?” and “How Come You’re Tantrumming When I’m Serving The Same Dinner You Couldn’t Get Enough of Last Night?” I do not wish to take on “Where Are Max and Ruby’s Parents?” nor “What is Binou’s Gender?”

Catchy opening tune

Because while the cats are away the mice shouldn’t be humming “They’re two, they’re four, they’re six, they’re eight.” Or is it while the mice are away? Either way, this is wrong. And should never ever happen again. And again. And again.

Unacceptable Behaviour

Dear Caillou, I spend considerable amounts of time trying to teach my son that whining gets you nowhere in life. The fact that you’re on TV sabotages my message.

All Things Psychedelic

No bright, loud, multicoloured, flickering effects, please. Psychedelic is that which is produced under the experience of altered consciousness. No need to bother, I’m already on a strong consciousness altering substance. It’s called sleep deprivation.

Interactiveness

Dear Dora, Mickey Mouse Club House, Bubble Guppies and other attention seekers, I’m in a symbiotic relationship with a toddler and preschooler. It doesn’t get any more interactive than that. Yell out “And what do YOU think?” or “Say it with us!!!” one more time and I’ll use the remote control on you.

***

Several things I’d like you to know:

1. For more funny (and deep) follow IAMTHEMILK’s Facebook page. 

2. The post was originally published on ITPR.

3. I know it may seem like a terrible oversight, but the post was actually written before I ever watched Yo Gabba Gabba.

38 thoughts on “6 Things That Make Kids TV Shows Super Annoying

  1. I’m blessed. Thank you for confirming that. A few years ago my son plopped himself beside me in the car and exhaled. “WHAT OR WHO is Max and Ruby?” Apparently his swimmer had been doing backfloats and kept singing “Max and Ruby” over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and …

    • Katia says:

      Lucky mom! Yo Gabba Gabba which deserves a category of its own is a punishment, I’m convinced, for something terrible I did in my previous life.

  2. Creatopath says:

    A few more bright and bubbly characters who the kids all love are Giggle and Hoot and Mr Maker.

    • Katia says:

      I am fortunate enough to have never heard of Giggle and Hoot. It kind of drains my energy just knowing that something like that is out there.😉

  3. What drove me crazy, last night, was a song got stuck in my head from a kid’s show as I was trying to sleep. Then I tried to sing other songs to get rid of it, and nothing was working. The closest I got was singing Calliou’s song thinking that alcohol neutralizes alcohol in the case of a hangover, so kid music neutralizes kid music in the case of a swirling hangover of kid music, and the world was swirling from that stupid song, and all it did was combine the two into a unique new song. I know these songs have to be catchy for a kid to remember them, but sometimes they are too catchy for my ears.

  4. mindyminix says:

    Caillou is banned from our house. That kid….I think my blood pressure jumps several points just typing his name (which I’m never confident I’m spelling correctly either which just adds to my instantaneous annoyance).

  5. Nicki says:

    I have to admit… I have not clapped eyes on them in at least seven years (somehow my youngest bypassed everything and went straight to The Simpsons) but I will always have a soft spot for The Wiggles. Always.

  6. Awww I kind of miss Dora and the Mickey Mouse club🙂

  7. Kristi Campbell - findingninee says:

    Bloody Caillou. He’s such a little turd.

  8. Kristi Campbell - findingninee says:

    Also this is hilarious.🙂

  9. We’ve evolved out of the Wiggles and the Imagination Movers, so I’m pretty clueless about many of the other programs. I didn’t ever hear of Yo Gabba Gabba. Just know that your children will eventually move on to other entertainments, and you can enjoy the relief!

  10. love this, you made me laugh. I also hate the stereotypical roles in every single show (there’s always the good guy, the bad guy, the pretty girl etc.)

  11. larva225 says:

    To me it’s the damn yelling. I yell at my kids not to yell. The TV encourages them to do so. Bastards.

    • Katia says:

      Yes!!!! *yelling*
      Hear that, DJ Lance?
      (A yo Gabba Gabba reference I hope for your sake you don’t understand).

      • larva225 says:

        It’s funny….YGG is actually one I don’t mind as much. I’d much rather that than Dora or – the reigning king at my house currently – Spongebob.

      • Katia says:

        I know a lot of people like YGG, I just can’t stand the way he finishes all of his sentences that end with a question mark. Pet peeve. Big time. 😱

  12. Thank you for calling out Caillou. I’m so glad my kids are school-age and binge-waching iCarly and Teen Titans Go. NOT. At least I can leave the room and know they won’t choke on their snack or fall and hit their head while I’m flipping through a magazine without them.🙂

    • Katia says:

      Oh how I look forward to not feeling like my breath is constantly held in anticipation of the next life threatening activity my kids decide to indulge in.

  13. The Waiting says:

    Every single word of this was perfect. It’s good to know that if we ever get our kids together for a playdate, we have the exact same thoughts about awful childrens programming. Seriously, WHY DOES DORA HAVE TO AWKWARDLY PAUSE FOR RESPONSE? It figures that her only friend is a monkey who never blinks.

  14. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says:

    Ha! i thought I would be glad when my kids were pas the toddler/preschool TV stage, but I hate to tell you that I think the “tween” shows are even worse!!!

  15. My kids are of the Barney generation. And if I ever have to hear the “I Love You” song again, I may go postal.

  16. sara says:

    Omg yo Gabba Gabba. That show was the last straw. My children are 7 and 11 now, so fortunately most of the truly annoying shows (like the wiggles) are not in rotation anymore. There is still pain though – and I am wondering if Australians make the most annoying shows, because the one that I can’t handle and insist it is only watched when I am not present, is The Day my Butt Went Psycho. I know. It has been adapted from a series of books, which are mercifully silent. Unlike its TV cousin.

    • Katia says:

      OMG I’m sorry I’m reading this a week later because major LOL and fascinating observation that some movie major should take upon themselves to research and investigate (Australian kids tv shows – truly more annoying?). Also I think that if I found that show about the day someone’s butt went crazy I would make my preschooler’s life.

  17. I needed to read this today! You are so right about Caillou, and I thought my iPad was being wonky the first time my daughter watched Mickey Mouse and he asked, “Now is everybody ready.” My husband has banned the mouse. Have you every noticed that they go through a lot of pixie dust on Jake and the Neverland Pirates? I thought they are only supposed to use that stuff in emergencies.

    Thank you so much for the laughs!

    • Katia says:

      Thank you!! No, thankfully there are some shows that I haven’t watched enough of to notice the details, Jake is one of them… Funny, though, this week I took my toddler to he play Center and we were “reading” a Jake flap book toddler style (frantically lifting all the flaps simultaneously) and I did wonder about what seemed to be an excessive use of pixie dust.🙂

      • Those play centers are lifesavers during bad weather. My daughter, Aleeza, “reads” the same way over here. A few flap books didn’t survive the first reading, and the rest have been tucked away. Poor grandparents spent good money on them!

      • Katia says:

        Yes. I am very familiar with this problem.🙂

  18. I do not understand why networks think it’s OK to have cartoon characters act like a**holes in order to teach a moral lesson. Have you ever seen Strawberry Shortcake?

    • Katia says:

      😄 I’m so glad that was timely for you. No, Strawberry Shortcake is one thing I haven’t been exposed to. Thanks for the heads up, I can only take so much whine… Is it really that bad, though?

  19. I’m reading this with the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse tune in my head. It’s beyond irritating with really annoying ‘Oh Toodles. Mickey Mouse was much more fun in my day with the bad Pete with the cigar in his hand🙂 Now I just want to squeeze the life out of the little Mickey Mouse irritant

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Tired. Going from 10 months of staying at home with the kids to full time work is disorienting.  I have to redefine what my involvement in their lives looks like. I have to go dig for my creativity, it's not readily available. I have to make room for friendships that were already pushed to the outskirts of my mommy life. What was previously inaccessible, existing in the "so near yet so far" category - books, blazers and heels - became a staple in this old new reality in a matter of days. Tired and disoriented but also content, supported and appreciative. #momsofinstagram #random #randomthoughts #changes #workingmom #tired #tgif
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