Nine Things That Second Time Parenting Did To My Body

35

August 31, 2015 by Katia

Back to school is a bit of a witch’s pot overflowing with different, sometimes contradicting ingredients. Last week I wrote for The Mid about how my son told me he was scared of grade one and I flunked my response to him.

Back to school can also mean that we can put all that talk about “bikini bodies” and thigh gaps to rest for another year.

 

I lost weight fast after my first baby which gave me the false impression that once I would have to go through the whole pregnancy, birthing, pound shedding cycle again a little “we’ve got this, body. It’s a piece of cake, no pun intended” pep talk would suffice. To add to my delusion my belly reached an all time record breaking flatness about a year later without any special efforts taken to that end. No strollers were abused via bootcamps. No green smoothies consumed. As my son entered toddlerhood, I was, in fact, convinced that I was on to a new form of natural diet driven by stress and fear for my increasingly adventurous child’s safe being. Then baby number two happened and it became clear that Dr. Atkins needn’t lose any sleep over me, as my theory crushed and burned no calories. My stress levels doubled, if not tripled yet those stubborn extra pounds refused to go anywhere.

 

Here are some curve balls that your body, if it’s anything like mine, will throw at you after your second child:

 

Nine Things That Second Time Pregnancy Did

 

  • No, First Child, we’re not pregnant and it doesn’t matter how many times you ask us during school pick up in front of other parents and kids the answer is still no (unless you actually are, mom). Glass half full? You may be offered a seat on public transit. If that happens, it’s important not to ask yourself or the seat giver upper any questions.

 

  • You now have two kids. This directly correlates with the size of your eye bags. The other day we took our toddler out and allowed him to stay up past 8pm for the first time ever. Walking back home he declared he was “so tired” and immediately ran off to climb a fence. I hope that puts our eye bags in perspective for you. Positive spin? Sleep deprivation is a great excuse for pretty much everything in life and you’re wearing your proof.

 

* You used to have breasts. Glass half full? Maybe you didn’t like having breasts.

 

  • You will wish you could come up with some clever hair trickery, the female equivalent of the comb over, to camouflage your grays, because as of (insert baby number two’s birth date) you will officially never have time to color your hair anymore. Ever. Flip side? Sorry. You’re on your own on this one.

 

  • Let’s put it this way, if you were ever considering a career in hand/foot modelling, now would not be the time to launch it. The mani pedi situation is at an all time low. On the flip side, you can definitely put your feet to good use as sandpaper.

 

  • Double super max fatigue driven by years of sleep deprivation will come with a side order of brain fuzziness which may, if you’re working, result in repeatedly walking up to the printer instead of the person you’re supposed to see in the adjoining cubicle. Put a positive spin on it. Nobody at work is likely to feel threatened by you.

 

  • Said fatigue will also sometimes manifest itself physically in eye twitches. Glass half full? No one’s going to notice your eye bags now.

 

  • You may need to pee. All the time. Preferably five times in one sitting. Does it help to know that it’s not just you? Other women with children need to pee all the time too. You will make tonnes of new friends whenever you visit the restroom.

 

  • If you have younger children, you may find yourself spending most of your day operating at minion level, scooting down to break up fights or provide eye contact enhanced disciplinary messages. I’ll bet that you sometimes carry around a person or two, and maybe some of these persons choose to forego their individual bedrooms on a daily basis and end up sleeping in yours. Guess what? I have a message from your back and it’s censored. Flip side of back pain? I’m going to need more time to work on this one.

 

Funnily enough, despite all of the above I don’t feel betrayed by my body. I’ve realized that my biggest problem is not with the physical changes that second time motherhood inflicted on me, but rather with their emotional by product – the sense of loss of control over things that used to be important to me and its derivative, the sense of identity erosion. As long as I find some time during the week to invest in the things that make me feel like myself I’m totally fine with my mid section.

***

This post was a Netflix Stream Team post on the topic “back to school”. All summer long my husband has been urging our six-year-old to complete his workbooks. All summer long Six Year Old obliged but always pushed back asking for more TV. Parenting is all about compromises (at your expense) but sometimes there are win/win situations, like Planet Earth on Netflix. Or TED Talks. My son and I watched the talk about de-extinction a while back and sure some of it will go over a six-year-old’s head and most of it will go over yours, but it’s still a win-win.

How do you feel about what I wrote? What is your relationship with your post baby body like?

What educational shows do you watch with your kids?

— Did you know that IaMTHEMILK is a WordPress recommended blog in the family category? Follow us on Facebook  – IAMTHEMILK.

35 thoughts on “Nine Things That Second Time Parenting Did To My Body

  1. Catherine says:

    Wait’ll you have your third!!! LOL! Nice post!

  2. darlasue22 says:

    Yes and thank you!

  3. […] Source: Nine Things That Second Time Parenting Did To My Body […]

  4. Cara Siskova says:

    Spot on, spot on, spot on. It’s haywire especially after baby number two. BUT I’ve been fighting back!!! (My blog is my secret weapon😉 )

  5. Katia, thanks for cracking me up tonight! I’m 35 weeks on the way to baby #2. Your humor and lack of BS is inspiring. : )

  6. Dawn says:

    1. Talk about false hope..about a year after my second was born, I was the size I was in highschool. Once I stopped breastfeeding I realized real quick that my weight loss was literally due to my son sucking the life out of me. I’m now 15 lbs heavier and yes…my daughter said to me last night “Momma, you look pregnant.” Thank you wise and often too honest 6 yr old.

    2. I have these lovely brown spots on my forehead that I was told were caused my second pregnancy and would go away. Nope. He just turned 3, along with said brown spots.

    3. Boobs? What boobs? I’m basically back to stuffing my bra only now the padding (grown up version of toilet paper) has to be strategically placed and (wo)man handled to avoid lopsided booby/wondering nipple syndrome.

    I could go on but Im so tired after my third middle-of-the-night visit to second child’s room …wait…what are we talking about??
    😉 ~Dawn

    • Katia says:

      That seriously made me laugh out loud, my friend, and I had a whole mental dialogue with you about this (can I tell you again how much I love that our kids are the EXACT same ages?). Also can we talk about the brown spots? I have a really freaky spot (it’s red, thank you very much) in a very noticeable area just under my eye. I got it when I was pregnant with number one. He’ll occasionally ask me about that. I’ve spent a few years in resistance mode, now I’m whatevs.

  7. nu2nlarasati says:

    Haha. A simple self “pampering” really is important once in a while to keep ourselves sane.😀 I have twin boys who are almost 16 months old, and I have been sleep deprived ever since the third trimester pregnancy just because my belly was just so humongous that my body ached for laying too long (like sleeping). Hee. I gained 22 kg (48.5 lbs) while pregnant and then lost 28 kg! Though I am as thin as a spaghetti, my belly is still pretty big because of that bit of excess fat; and I got myself recti diastasis for carrying twins. Yesss.. it’s a lot of surprising body change for me, but I’ve made peace with it.🙂

    Nice writing, Katia! X

    • Katia says:

      Thank you so much!!! Have I not responded to this comment before? See – hashtag Things That Happen When You Haven’t Slept in Six Years. Mothers of twins are like superheroes to me. Don’t worry about the belly, just get on with your superhero self. The belly thing will work itself out.🙂

  8. “New form of natural diet driven by stress” made me laugh. I think I’ve been on that diet before. I didn’t have any problems losing my baby weight, although I am a runner so it wasn’t entirely driven by stress, but I know some of it was. Not the most healthy at the time, but I’ve found balance now. What gets to me these days is those eye bags you speak of. If only I could get rid of them!

    • Katia says:

      I know. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve Googled “natural remedies for eye bags”. Pro tip: cucumbers and tea bags are no match for toddlers and preschoolers.

  9. cindermommy says:

    My relations with my body is one day at a time, and educational shows… Ummm, i think basically its more like me not letting them watch certain cartoons of channels all together, like cartoon network…

  10. Britt LC says:

    So blunt, real and funny! I am only on child number one…I appreciate the heads up😉 I will say thought with child number one the boobs aren’t looking to hoot:/

  11. margotkeegan says:

    What about the belly button!! My belly button is seriously deranged after number 2. It’s a train wreck, all stretched and loose and what once was a tight innie is now a flabby outey. Urgh.

  12. This sounds about right. I had my first when I was 20, now I’m 26 and due again December 14th and wondering what the hell We’ve gotten ourselves into. YAll are scaring me with the boob thing! Omg WHAT HAVE I DONE UUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH

  13. withangelina says:

    I only have one child, but I can still relate with you. Unlike you, I did not lose any weight after my first pregnancy, so I guess the flipside to that will be that I won’t believe it will be possible after my second child. But I seriously love love your satirical tone throughout the entire post. It had me smiling like no other.

  14. Thank you for your honesty, I feel the same way after having twins! I told my husband after we are done having kids I need to have a mommy makeover. Ha ha, we will probably never be able to afford that

  15. So funny! I’d was genuinely laughing out out. I may only have 1, but I can totally relate. I wish I could wear a sign to work that says “Don’t judge my brain malfunctions, I have a toddler at home”. I might not go back to work after number 2 simply so that I don’t have to do dumb things in front of people all the time.

  16. What a wonderfully-written piece. Your views on post-pregnancy body image are refreshing.🙂 – Michelle M

  17. deadbeatmom says:

    Great writing! For me the body issues didn’t hit until baby number 3. My solution? It may sound catty but a trip to Great Wolf Lodge always helps me put my body image issues into perspective…🙂

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