January 27, 2016 by Katia
I think we can all agree that being a parent is like practicing Scientology. Certain aspects of Parenting are common knowledge to people outside our community, but others never leave its confines. The struggles to sleep, not engage in conflict resolution while on the toilet or get your roots done are a no brainer but how many non-parents can honestly say they’ve heard of the other ones listed below?
- The Struggle to end Communism – clearly my children are not aware of the articulately laid out rule I once, as a child, presented to my mother: my food is my food. When it comes to food my kids practice selective communism: my food is their food but not vice versa.
- The struggle to be recognized as a human not a filter or a streaming device – some days (okay ALL THE TIME) your children and occasionally husband will operate under the premise that if they don’t narrate their lives’ minutiae to you simultaneously as it is happening then the clap that was just clapped or the GMC car that drove by are as good as a non-occurrence. You will feel flattered but also regrettably limited by your anatomy which won’t allow the kind of interaction that your family seeks. Next time you all talk to me simultaneously and express your outrage over the lack of reciprocity, please look at me first and appreciate the fact that I am not holding an acoustic guitar while being strapped to a pedal mechanism with a harmonica in my mouth or doing anything else that would suggest I’m a one man band.
- The Struggle to get them to stop.
- The struggle to keep your socks dry – despite what everyone tells you, there are many certainties in life and parenting. Like the fact that at some point(s) during the day your socks will get wet. Science shows that the part of your brain responsible for spilling things is 90% bigger in children than adults, so they’re naturally wired to spill, cultivate puddles and gravitate toward them. I know that this takes some of the mystery away for you, new and future parents, but don’t fret. You will actually never know exactly where or how long it might take before you step into some certainty. And do it again.
- The struggle to less is more– kids like a lot of everything and it’s an even a specialer treat if it’s a lot of everything of yours. Pursuing a quest to be as realistic as possible when they dress up as someone who likes to wear ALL of their belongings, they will borrow and wear all of yours (jewelry, shoes, bra, handbag and doggie bandanas included).
- The struggle to reclaim your living room – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. So much LOLZ.
- The struggle to unmute yourself – hello?
- The struggle to protect your cornea – a lot of accidents – intentional and unintentional – happen in our household on a daily basis. A lot of them involve a reluctant participant, my cornea, who usually shies away from physical contact and never expected any of this.
- The struggle to not say things that don’t belong outside of your mouth – like: kids, remember, the cornea is for SEEING not FEELING things.
- The struggle for your basic human right to not wear Cheerios and stickers.
- The struggle to restore brain autonomy – I’m convinced my children installed a tracking device chip in my brain. It starts playing “Paw, paw, paw, paw, paw, paw patrol” when it goes off.
- The struggle to be accepted as the only decision maker re: Do I Flash this Rando or Not – No. It’s not about breastfeeding. This is purely for entertainment value and probably not that of the flashee.
These struggles may not be known, but they’re painfully real and when I say painfully I mostly mean it literally. Which other lesser known struggles
SOME EXCITING NEWS:
Today I received an email from Academy Social, a recognition event celebrating Canadian innovative online content. The Academy Social committee includes an Emmy and Cannes Golden Lion award winner and other reputable professionals who will be making their decision by February 16th. I was encouraged to ask my readers to vote for me. I would be eternally grateful if you do. It’s an easy two-step process.
And on a more serious note. I wrote a post this week for Yummy Mummy Club on how we should stop using the term “struggling moms”. Do you agree? To understand my reasoning feel free to read the post.
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