Typical Phone Conversation Between Two Moms Who Know Each Other Very Well and Have Small Children


May 2, 2016 by Katia


“All mothers are slightly insane”

J. D. Salinger

*dialing friend’s number*

Friend: yeah, hi (side mumble).


Me: cool. Yeah. That’s amazing.
Friend: put the ball where it belongs. Other kids will want to play with it too.
Me: I just wanted to say… Okay, yes, I can hold that for you. Please don’t do that!
Friend: put the ball where it belongs. Other kids will want to play with it too.
Me: I just wanted to say that last night was really fun, I really like your friends… Put the knife back! Do not cut that wire with that knife!
Friend: yes, I’m glad you liked it. I think we should have done more Queen songs, that’s the only thing I would’ve done differently. Stop doing what you’re doing right now. This is not cool.
Me: put it back, put the knife back, put the knife back, put it back please, do not use the knife, do not cut that wire with that knife. Yes, I do see that, this is super cool! Great job!
Friend: this is not cool. You can’t be throwing the ball on the roofs. He can’t be throwing the ball on the roofs, tell him he can’t be doing that, this is not cool. We should do more Queen next time.
Me: yes, we should, but I had a great time. I liked all your friends. Do not climb on the table, you can’t climb on the table, Daniel. We don’t climb on tables. Please get off the table. Yes, I see this, this is very cool, you took out that… that… you took out the computer part with the knife. You shouldn’t be using a knife, please put the knife back, Ben, let me see the knife, don’t swing it in the air like this, this is a very blunt knife that you don’t use for cutting, it won’t cut anything, okay you can use it.
Friend: there’s an echo. There’s this echo.
Me: …
*suddenly conscientious of social and phone call etiquette, silently nodding and giving thumbs up*
Friend: there’s this echo and everyone else is so quiet. There’s a guy with a little boy and another one walking his dog and nobody’s as loud as us, nobody’s as loud as my kids, why is that?
Me: *nodding in sympathy* I know. I don’t know. Get off of there guys.
Friend: stop throwing the ball.
Me: What’s happening, guys?
Friend: how did they fall asleep without you last night?
Friend: so that’s good. Means they can do this without you sometimes.
Me: after 10pm.
Friend: oh.
Me: they fell asleep after 10pm. Don’t do that, remember how dad told you yesterday you could choke if you do that?
Friend: they should go on a sleep over.
Me: *uncertain* yes. Don’t say that, that’s gross. Please stop doing that. Please stop doing that. Please stop doing that.
Friend. Yes. They should go on a sleep over. STOP!
Friend: what does Ben want for his birthday?
Me: OUCH!!!
Friend: stop throwing that ball.
Together: okay, okay, we’ll just, yeah, we’ll, later. Okay, yeah, I know, last night was fun, yes it was, guys!, STOP, STOP, ‘k bye, k’.
Good talk.
Is this more sad or more funny? Do you have “conversations” like that?
For more deep and funny follow IAMTHEMILK on Facebook. IAMTHEMILK was a WordPress recommended blog in the family category between 2014-2015.

17 thoughts on “Typical Phone Conversation Between Two Moms Who Know Each Other Very Well and Have Small Children

  1. KClayton says:

    Did you record the last conversation I had with my sister? Gave me a good laugh this morning. Thanks.

    • Katia says:

      HAHA!!! I’m so glad it sounds familiar. But wait a minute, am I really? I thought it might strike a a chord with a couple of folks… 😀

  2. This is so funny Katia! I’ve had many conversations like this but the ones that are the worst are when your friend has actually told you something important and you don’t realize until later that you have no idea what they said. Then, you either have to fess up or try to figure it out the next time you talk. 🙂

    • Katia says:

      Thank you, my friend! Yes, luckily both my friend and I are at an identical stage with our kids ages being close so we get the confusion. I’m sure I’ve missed a lot of important information “talking” this way to people.Some of the most surprising news I’ve received were accompanied by “but I told you this already”… 🙂

  3. larva225 says:

    I’d laugh if it weren’t so real and tragic. As a rule now, I just don’t even talk on the phone unless I’m at work or my kids are asleep. I just can’t handle it.

    • Katia says:

      Isn’t it, though? When I posted this on Facebook that’s exactly what I said: I giggled when I wrote this, but I don’t know if this is more sad (tragic would’ve been a more accurate description) or funny. I rarely talk on the phone for the same reason. ❤

  4. Dawn says:

    This is my life! Laughed all the way through this, Katia.

    • Katia says:

      This makes me so happy! My week was crap and unremarkable as this conversation is between moms I was able to see the humour in it all of a sudden.

  5. Maybe I'll Shower Today says:

    This is why I text!

  6. Lizzi says:

    *grins* DODGED A BULLET!

  7. beckyrt says:

    Ha – yes. I once wrote a blog post about the millions of unfinished conversations I have with other mothers.

  8. When my sister’s kids were young, I would get so frustrated while trying to have a phone conversation with her. Then, I had kids.

  9. freeangelina says:


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