Seven Love Stories in Seven Days – #5: Dreams

7

September 23, 2016 by Katia

dream

I used to have the best dreams, even when they were the worst ones. They spread all through me reaching the deepest areas and when I woke up they continued following me clinging to my clothes, leaving their scent in my hair and ringing in my ears throughout the day. I’d be soaked in the feeling of them. I carry some of those dreams with me as memories of actual events to this day, years after I dreamed them.

I know the elevator-like view and the feeling of being on the top floor when a building crumples down underneath you and you watch the building across the street as you make your way down. I know what it’s like to jump on your bed so you could get a taste of a piece of a pink cloud that drifted into your room and what it’s like to lose control over a car you can’t drive, have your husband tell you that his next marriage is already in the making and how to fold one leg and soar up to the sky in a version of the yoga tree pose. I’ve done that often. I know the empowering yet very natural bodily sensation of moving objects with the power of your mind and the terror of having words stuck in your throat refusing to leave.

I know that loved ones who leave us are not as finite an occurrence as we assume, and I choose to accept the version whereby once they get to wherever it is they go after they leave us, they learn. I believe that because of the way the loved person who told me that in a dream looked and sounded when he spoke.

On the day of the Tsunami in Asia my husband and I were sleeping in a hotel in London on a layover on our way to visit Toronto for the first time. We were on the ground floor of the building and I dreamed of water flooding the room through the cracks between the sliding window/doors and floor. We woke up to the devastating news. When I was working for the immigrant visa section of the American Embassy in Israel I dreamt of a popular band coming to the embassy to have their work visas issued for a U.S. tour. They showed up that same morning. Shortly after moving to Canada and experiencing that sense of disorienting shuffle that your life goes through, I had a very personal dream.  I don’t think God ever spoke to me, but I now know how it would feel and what the sky would look like and the colours that it would paint the city I was born in and I don’t think I can ever forget.

In a way in recent years I’ve gone from the best dreams to none.

I still dream sometimes but I regularly forget my dreams just as soon as I’m woken up. Sometimes I catch that thread by its end and follow it all the way to the beginning managing to reconstruct my dream but mostly I don’t. It’s as if dreams, like a lot of other things in my life, the life of a mother, became a luxury I can’t afford when sleep is so bad, so my brain, subconscious and memory collaboratively shut off sparing me from tasting what I can’t have.

I don’t feel bitter about the way I dream now. I’m grateful for years of meaningful message-bearing and enriching dreams and I know that most things in life move like a wave or a pendulum. Until the dreams come back to me I’ll be here waiting, better for the dreams I did have.

7 thoughts on “Seven Love Stories in Seven Days – #5: Dreams

  1. Lizzi says:

    Ohhhh I so get this. I’ve had wild and wonderful dreams in my past (though never prophetic, and probably never particularly meaningful) but lately they’re gone. Bar the occasional anxiety dream or the odd nightmare here and there.

    I miss the colourful worlds my brain used to create for me. I guess there’s nothing for it but to be patient, as you say.

    • Katia says:

      HEY! I’m getting your comments! They’re not in my spam!

      “I miss the colourful worlds my brain used to create for me” sums is up so perfectly. I think that maybe during times when there’s too much going on in our actual lives our dream-making parts just somehow shut off to let us process all the other too-muchness. I want your dreams to return because I think you’ll capture them beautifully in writing in a way that nobody else is capable of. (I’m listening to Roy Orbison whom I love very much). (And reading you whom I also love very much, so things are pretty perfect right now).❤

      • Lizzi says:

        YES! I was so excited they came through!

        *HUGS* I wonder if you’re right, and the pressures and stresses of life gnaw at the edges of our inner worlds, leaving them muddled and sullied.

        My dreams have been shattered lately, which I think is a large part of my inner world having turned so much to nothing.

        But there are always books, which to me are a little like external dreams, just…someone else’s, and more coherent.

  2. Lizzi says:

    Here, my friend, the perfect song for this, and one I first heard on Ally… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oQMa0Hk3MM

  3. sara says:

    God is most definitely speaking to you and dreams is how you hear what she has to say. I am not a dreamer, or not often – occasionally I’ll get a beauty where the guidance is so true and so unavoidable that I will change what I am doing. For instance, I started blogging again after a dream, well several dreams actually, that I was choking on something precious. But for you, I think dreaming is something more essential to your being, and it will return.

    • Katia says:

      Thank you so much for such beautiful words! I agree, it is essential for me and I am sure that my dreams will return at some point. I love that you were able to identify the meaning of your dream about choking on something precious and to act upon it. Looking at your blog’s name explains how the meaning came to you so clearly🙂 I will have to check out the blog. Have a wonderful day!

      • sara says:

        Thank you! I am embarrassed to say that I had to have that dream 7 or 8 times, where I would wake in a terrible fright, convinced that I was choking, before I ‘got it’. Ah well, not all of us are quick!

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Tired. Going from 10 months of staying at home with the kids to full time work is disorienting.  I have to redefine what my involvement in their lives looks like. I have to go dig for my creativity, it's not readily available. I have to make room for friendships that were already pushed to the outskirts of my mommy life. What was previously inaccessible, existing in the "so near yet so far" category - books, blazers and heels - became a staple in this old new reality in a matter of days. Tired and disoriented but also content, supported and appreciative. #momsofinstagram #random #randomthoughts #changes #workingmom #tired #tgif
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