January 16, 2015 by Katia
Being a member of modern day civilization assumes familiarity with some basic unwritten rules, such as the generally accepted social taboo on using certain parts of your body as a storage area. If you suddenly find yourself preaching the enforcement of those common knowledge rules with great conviction, chances are you’re either one of those airport security people with the scary dogs or a parent. As parents, our days are full of those mental-double-take-okay-so-THAT-just- happened moments.
After my kids go to bed my husband and I often swap anecdotes of such moments. While up until recently 5 Year Old was their main protagonist, with the evolvement and transformation of the character initially known here as 6 Week Old into 2 Year Old a whole new front opened up in the parental battle against the unbrerable lightness of throwing social, moral and behavioural conventions out the window. It appears as though our toddler operates under his own set of rules that don’t only not coincide with civilization’s but often undermine its very core and I am pretty sure that if you have a toddler – so does yours. Toddlers are the fifth column but breaking their code brings us one step closer to normalcy.
1. If it’s your brother’s – it’s yours. If it’s yours it’s also yours. But definitely not your brother’s.
2. Your mother’s plate is an extension of yours. Actually scratch that. Your mother’s plate is also yours.
3. If it tastes bad, put it in mama’s mouth. That’s the nice thing to do. If you want to be bad or discrete put it on her shirt or pants.
4. If you don’t get what you’re asking for shout louder.
5. When in doubt, throw something.
6. The toilet is a magical transportation device.
7. Buttons – real and metaphorical – are made for pushing.
8. “I don’t want it” is the only way to end a conversation that begins with 50 “I want its”.
9. Pinching is funny.
10. When something’s funny say it 50 times.
11. At least once a day engage in a life threatening activity, but only when your mom is there.
12. You know what else is funny? If you behave all day for your dad on the one day he watches you and fall asleep within five minutes of being put to bed and not wake up at 5am.
13. Sorry marks the natural completion of an action, not a statement of regret.
14. Reason and logic is totally overrated.
15. NEVER. EVER. AGREE. TO CHANGE. YOUR. DIAPER.
Remember, you can get away with ANYTHING. Trust me.
This post was a Finish the Sentence Friday post on the topic “After The Children Go to Bed I…”
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