June 13, 2014 by Katia
What did you do to piss your wife off today? Did you creatively feed your queasy vegetable-hating stomach-fluey offspring pancakes with maple syrup and cucumbers? Encourage your five-year-old to try skydiving as soon as he gets a chance? Or did you go more old school with a wet towel on the floor? Maybe you’re more of a toilet-seat-up-cliché kind of guy?
Whatever it was, you’re doing OK, dad.
No matter what you’ve done, this list of TV’s Top 10 Worst Husbands will make your wife instantly want to kiss the ground under your wet towel, or plant a big wet one on you the next time the house trembles as you LOUDLY blow your nose TWO FREAKIN’ MINUTES after the baby finally falls asleep.
Prepare to be underwhelmed.
1. Walt White on Breaking Bad – Liar, Liar Pants on Fire
Because there is no excuse for that look. That is all.
2. Hank Moody on Californication – OK, What the Hell, I’ve Got 10 Minutes
Oh, David. I mean Hank. I mean David. A Poet who has an on again off again marriage with a gorgeous blond, checks into rehab and I haven’t even started talking about that writer character he plays. Hank Moody, like Walt White has been known to wear his underwear publicly, but I’m not here to sing his praises.
3. Ross Geller on Friends – Paleontologist. Geek. We were on A BREAK!
Ross Geller is the Kim Kardashian of the 90’s. If you’re walking down an aisle with him, know that it’ll all be over in 72 days. Make it hours. Unless you’re Rachel and usually even if you are.
4. Scott Disick on Keeping Up With the Kardashians – Oh, Lord.
Scott Disick is the Scott Disick of the 2010’s which is a big problem. The good thing about him is that if you have eyes you won’t make that mistake. Oh wait, never mind.
5. Frank Underwood on House of Cards -Never Trust a Man Whose Initials are F.U.
No thanks. I’m not taking on any new sleep loathers. Maxed out.
6. Dexter on Dexter – Serial Killer. Nice Guy.
Because the person most likely to murder you is your spouse. I don’t like my odds here.
7. Peter Griffin on Family Guy – DUH
8. Entire Male cast of Mad Men – We Can Stop Anytime
Because who wants to marry their father, unless he’s Roger Sterling.
9. Kody Brown on Sister Wives – Sister Wife Hoarder
Because I wasn’t looking to marry into a wife. Or four.
10. The Bachelor (Every single one) – Will You Accept This Illusion?
Not marriage material. May mean well but doesn’t realize marriage is not about swooping your girl up in a helicopter but about angry nose blowing. Also, might only be there to promote own winery.
Who’d I miss? Who would make YOUR list of the Worst TV Husbands?
This post is a Finish The Sentence Friday post on the topic “Dear Dad…”.
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Stephanie at Mommy, For Real
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