TV’s Top Ten Worst Husbands

46

June 13, 2014 by Katia

Dear Dad,

What did you do to piss your wife off today? Did you creatively feed your queasy vegetable-hating stomach-fluey offspring pancakes with maple syrup and cucumbers? Encourage your five-year-old to try skydiving as soon as he gets a chance? Or did you go more old school with a wet towel on the floor? Maybe you’re more of a toilet-seat-up-cliché kind of guy?

Whatever it was, you’re doing OK, dad.

No matter what you’ve done, this list of TV’s Top 10 Worst Husbands will make your wife instantly want to kiss the ground under your wet towel, or plant a big wet one on you the next time the house trembles as you LOUDLY blow your nose TWO FREAKIN’ MINUTES after the baby finally falls asleep.

Prepare to be underwhelmed.

top 10 worst husbands

1. Walt White on Breaking Bad – Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

Because there is no excuse for that look. That is all.

2. Hank Moody on Californication – OK, What the Hell, I’ve Got 10 Minutes

Oh, David. I mean Hank. I mean David. A Poet who has an on again off again marriage with a gorgeous blond, checks into rehab and I haven’t even started talking about that writer character he plays. Hank Moody, like Walt White has been known to wear his underwear publicly, but I’m not here to sing his praises.

3. Ross Geller on Friends – Paleontologist. Geek. We were on A BREAK!

Ross Geller is the Kim Kardashian of the 90’s. If you’re walking down an aisle with him, know that it’ll all be over in 72 days. Make it hours. Unless you’re Rachel and usually even if you are.

4. Scott Disick on Keeping Up With the Kardashians – Oh, Lord.

Scott Disick is the Scott Disick of the 2010’s which is a big problem. The good thing about him is that if you have eyes you won’t make that mistake. Oh wait, never mind.

5. Frank Underwood on House of Cards -Never Trust a Man Whose Initials are F.U.

No thanks. I’m not taking on any new sleep loathers. Maxed out.

6. Dexter on Dexter – Serial Killer. Nice Guy.


Because the person most likely to murder you is your spouse. I don’t like my odds here.

7. Peter Griffin on Family Guy – DUH

Self explanatory.

8. Entire Male cast of Mad Men – We Can Stop Anytime

Because who wants to marry their father, unless he’s Roger Sterling.

9. Kody Brown on Sister Wives – Sister Wife Hoarder

Because I wasn’t looking to marry into a wife. Or four.

10. The Bachelor (Every single one) – Will You Accept This Illusion?

Not marriage material. May mean well but doesn’t realize marriage is not about swooping your girl up in a helicopter but about angry nose blowing. Also, might only be there to promote own winery.

***

Who’d I miss? Who would make YOUR list of the Worst TV Husbands?

***

This post is a Finish The Sentence Friday post on the topic “Dear Dad…”.

Please visit our lovely hosts, some of the best writers out there:

Stephanie at Mommy, For Real

Kristi at Finding Ninee

Kate at Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?

Janine at Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic

46 thoughts on “TV’s Top Ten Worst Husbands

  1. Jean says:

    Nose blowing. Kissing the ground beneath the wet towel. I don’t know if when I meet you I should hug you or just give you a high five for those lines.

  2. Great list and was thinking that Al Bundy would be on this list (at least he is on mine). But seriously made me smiling knowing now of these guys were my father or my husband either🙂

    • Katia says:

      I know, I was actually thinking of Al Bundy when I wrote the original post. Can’t remember why I decided to leave him out🙂 Thanks, Janine!

  3. acasadisimi says:

    beautiful post! compliments! have a good weekend!
    Simi

  4. Natalie DeYoung says:

    I often think about the cast of Mad Men and feel sorry for my grandmother, who married during this era of sexism and rampant alcoholism.

    • Katia says:

      I kind of feel like some of the dads of my generation (cause I’m like a year older than you…) are sadly representatives of that sort of father/husband figure. At least partially.

  5. Great list! Have to say that I am inexplicably torn between liking and loathing Scott Disick!

  6. Nina Badzin says:

    All true and the Mad Men especially made me laugh. ALL OF THEM!

  7. I don’t watch TV enough, but Peter Griffin I’d probably would have handled like this…

  8. Stephanie Sprenger says:

    Bwahaha! Well played, my friend, well played… I will refrain from exposing my loserhood by telling you how few of those shows I have seen… (hiding face)

  9. Nina says:

    Wow! So true and crazy when you put it together like that. I only know half of these by name but the ones I’ve watched, I can certainly agree. How about Al Bundy? And Homer Simpson? I love how you included Ross Geller. I swear even when he had a kid with Rachael you never saw those kids around.

  10. ponymartini says:

    I’d have to add The Governor from The Walking Dead. Heads in fish tanks? Creepy!

    • Katia says:

      Oh, my original list had that piece of shit from The Walking Dead who beat up on his wife, Carol. It also had Dale but I removed it because I thought the joke I made was a little offensive. The Governor is disgusting and deserves to be on this list. Why did I not think of him. GAH.

  11. I’m thinking maybe Tony Soprano would make your list. Crook, serial killer, unfaithful.
    Check, check, aaaand check.

  12. Kristi Campbell - findingninee says:

    You crack me up, Katia! Although, in his defense, Dexter was a pretty good husband before he got Rita killed through his serial killer nemesis and all that. Too funny. Had to laugh about not trusting somebody with the initials FU.🙂

    • Katia says:

      I know, I’m not really opposed to the idea of Dexter as a husband. Most of the time. I was just trying to be socially acceptable.

  13. Liz says:

    I loved “sister wife hoarder.” He can cross disciplines w his reality show identity! I disagree about Dexter though. As his wife I’d be his “beard” to cover up him being a monster. He’d treat me like a queen. And you know he can clean up a mess.😉

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  15. Candid Mama says:

    Laughing! Katia, you are hilarious. I love this.

  16. Dawn says:

    What a great take on this prompt. Funny and so very true. I’d have to add Al Bundy to the list…who wants a dad that sits around with his hand in his pants and boasts about his toilet habits. Perhaps some would say Phil from Modern Family because he is such a dork!…I however love him🙂

  17. Wow! Wow! Wow! Absolutely love your take on this. Thank you. It is one hell of a refreshing read. And yes, with you on the “Entire Male Cast of Mad Men.”

  18. M.I.L.K. says:

    Ha! Al Bundy was a nightmare, but he was so well suited to his wife that, in a way, he was perfect. Actually, that’s true of Frank Underwood, too…hmmm. With you on the Mad Men men, though – Oy – I’m not a good enough housekeeper to deal with that mess.

  19. Aussa Lorens says:

    ugh, I’ve seen enough of these shows to wholeheartedly agree! Donald Draper, absolutely. Walter White, HELL NO. I’m a bit intrigued by Frank Underwood, not gonna lie, but he kills people/sleeps with men so probably not the best husband material.

    I binge watched like 4 episodes of Sister Wives about two years ago and I think I’m still shaking off the dust of that depression.

  20. Dana says:

    I’ve only watched a few of these shows, but I agree with the ones I know. I’d add Jack Bauer from 24, because his job got his wife killed, which pretty much sucked.

  21. Robert Baratheon from Game of Thrones was such a bad husband he didn’t even notice that his wife was cheating with her own brother,,, there’s always a sign.

  22. Greg A. says:

    Archie Bunker didn’t make the list?

  23. Fitz from Scandal. Worst. Husband. Ever.
    I mean, his wife literally has to call his mistress to come and console him everytime he goes into his “woe is me” act. And then, as soon as he feels better, he disrespects his poor wife and plots to ride off into the sunset with his mistress, all while he should be running the country given that he’s the president of the United States and all. SMH.

    • Katia says:

      Do you know, that I haven’t. Watched. Scandal. Yet?!

      Scandalous, I know, but I can’t wait to rant about Fitz… Can’t stand “woe is me’s” especially if they’re presidents🙂

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